Right. It wasn’t three times lucky. This is the fourth time of asking for a circuit breaker. But then we’re all starting to think that numbers aren’t your strong point. Have you been reading Patrick’s graphs upside down? 🙄

So, I’ve figured maybe a list will help. Ten reasons why we should have a circuit breaker. My husband needs a list too. It’s the only way I get any jobs done. He likes the satisfaction of ticking things off. He’s simple like that.

1. The Northern Irish have already done it! You can’t let the them beat us at something. I mean, when have they ever won against us? Just give me 5 minutes to google that…….. Ok, 2005 in a football match but that hardly counts! (That’s the game where they kick the ball instead of holding it and running with it.)

2. Jeremy Hunt thinks it would be a good idea. And we all know what a cracking job he did with the NHS. Under his tenure, we saw the first strikes by junior doctors in 40 years. Now I bet that’s something he stuck on his CV. So be like Jeremy! He knows his stuff!

3. Some schools haven’t got the hang of these bubbles and the need to isolate. Headteachers need an extra week to read the guidance, which is like something out of Harry Potter because it can literally change before their very eyes. My son’s teacher has Covid-19 but I think it’s ok because this particular strain must only like teachers as he’s apparently fine to carry on going into school. He’s probably now a super spreader like a Reception child with too much PVA glue on his brush.

4. The word in the playground (that’s a place where normal primary aged children have their breaks in case you didn’t know. Like a tarmacked croquet court) is that Wales will announce a circuit breaker next Friday. It’s been ‘leeked’. Get it?! Again, we can’t let them beat us. 1402, Owain Glyndŵr drove the English out of Wales and they’re trying to do it again. Or stop us getting in. Potato, potahto. Talking of spuds, there’s no need to worry about wee Jimmy Krankie. They’ve had their tattie picking week already (we all know potatoes grow quicker in Scotland) so she won’t be gazumping you by announcing a circuit breaker. Or will she? 🤔

5. We need some bloody unity. You go on about the Union and preserving it but, at the moment, it’s like a bunch of unruly kids arguing over whose turn it is to go first at batting in rounders. Or three children all wanting different things for their tea at different times (I’m not speaking from experience here at all!). It’s confusing and, as restrictions have been so crystal clear up to this point, we wouldn’t want people getting confused now would we? And while we’re on the subject, don’t even think about a super Tier Three. Super implies good, great, splendid! People will think they’ve been let out for good behaviour.

6. People need time to prepare. I need to know if it’s one or two weeks so I can plan how many box sets I can squeeze in.

7. The clocks go back (unfortunately not to January where you could maybe take action earlier to stop this bloody mess you’ve created) and we could do with an extra week to acclimatise. We could self-isolate to prevent the utter confusion as to whether your iPhone has automatically updated its clock. It takes us a day to remember to phone the speaking clock to double check because we don’t have Ceefax anymore. Personally, I think that’s when the world starting going to pot.

8. You’d have an extra week in order to try and trace a Test and Trace app which works/doesn’t lie.

9. I’m very, very, very tired.

So that’s my list. I lied about the numbers. I thought you’d like that!

The letters Boris has ignored! 😡

Dear Boris

Oi Boris

Ey Boris!