Free the Shetland One

Dear Nicola Sturgeon

I am writing to you as I am very concerned about the predicament of one Duncan Hunter (also goes by the name of Mark Bonnar) who lives on Shetland. The island where Douglas Henshall looks moodily into empty spaces to try and create a sense of foreboding or tension. Or maybe it’s just too windy and he can’t hear the director’s instructions. Anyway, it seems to me that Duncan’s impending court case has been completely forgotten about. To be fair, I’ve forgotten what he’s in prison for. Obviously, something deemed punishable by a drastic reduction in screen time. Furthermore, DI Perez, seems to have developed a sudden case of amnesia with regards to his best friend as has his daughter, who is also Duncan’s daughter but that’s by the by. Me thinks old Jimmy is too busy forming a new ‘friendship’ with the Irish nurse to think about old Dunc.

So, as an avid fan of Duncan/Mark, I am urging you to look into the case of the Shetland One. Please ignore the fact that I’m English. If it helps Duncan’s cause in any way, I’m actually a quarter Irish, my dad was born in Edinburgh and I’ve recently ‘bin’ to Auld Reekie (see what I did there? Still a touchy subject? Sorry!) so Gaelic blood is clearing coursing through my veins!

I know we’re living through difficult times. But I tell you what’s really difficult. Tuning into Shetland every week and not seeing my Duncan! And while you’re investigating the investigation into Duncan, you should probably investigate the crime rate on the island while you’re at it. Between Shetland and Jersey, I have serious concerns about the murder rate per square metre in these places. To be honest, the crime figures have now put me off visiting the Isle of Man, or any other island for that matter.

Anyway, I digress. Something you politicians know all about. Duncan has been left to rot in the building made to look like a prison in Glasgow, so I am taking up his case. I argue that Duncan deserves more screen time. If we don’t show an interest in him now, when season 8 comes along and Jimmy Perez leaves (I predict to start a new life on the Emerald Isle with the nurse – watch out Ireland – your murder rate is about to quadruple overnight!), Duncan will not give you the time of day. He’ll feel justifiably aggrieved that his status as a central character was forgotten about and he’ll get on that ferry and disappear off into the atmospheric fog. And we’ll be left with Tosh pulling those funny faces and Sandy looking permanently puzzled. All that does not bode well for future viewing figures.

So, as you are someone who has always liked to do the opposite of what our dearly departed Boris did, I trust you to read this letter and take heed. I don’t mean head there by the way. You’ll have to read that sentence with an English accent!

Shetland starts in an hour so no pressure!

Yours in hope

Duncan’s biggest fan


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