In the red corner….Delta!!!

In the blue corner….Omnicron!

HEAD: Banging. Like I’ve taught six lessons on fractions in one day.

COUGH: None. Unless the husband is nearby. Then, I’ll regurgitate some phlegm to remind him I’m ill.

BREATHING: Hard. Laboured. But might have something to do with not taking that cross country seriously 36 years ago and walking the whole way round.

SENSE OF TASTE: Vanished. Perfect time to eat the Prawn Cocktail crisps from the multipack that nobody likes. Also have a genuine reason now for serving up tasteless meals. Or just not eat. What’s the point?

INSOMNIA: Strong. Discovered ‘What We Do In The Shadows’. Enjoyed three series of ‘Stats Lets Flats’ and rewatched a few episodes of ‘Toast Of London.’

DIZZINESS: Hard to tell. Haven’t really been with it since 1995. Some would argue I’ve never truly been on this planet.

TEMPERATURE: Ice Queen level. As in normal. Still getting dressed for a winter walk (long socks, hoodies, fleece lined outerwear. Stopping short at the hat) just to get into bed.

EXTRAS: Paranoia. I don’t actually have Covid. I have every other disease imaginable. Google says so. I don’t. I have Covid.

HEAD: Akin to being trapped in a vice. Or stuck in an escape room with Joel.

COUGH: Constant. Hacking. Good enough to make husband sleep elsewhere and for Tena Lady’s profits to soar in one day.

BREATHING: Still regretting not giving that cross country course the respect it deserved back in 1992. Or doing any form of exercise since, apart from chasing after toddler Joel.

SENSE OF TASTE: Rampant. Replenishing the body from losing half a stone last time. Plus aiming to add an extra layer of blubber to cope with not being able to put the heating on anymore.

INSOMNIA: Strong. So far, watched the series of ‘This Is Going To Hurt’, caught up on ‘This Is Us’ and am half way through ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Only 4 years late.

DIZZINESS: Slightly worse. Bought a halogen oven based on reviews by single people and couples. To be used for my family of five.

TEMPERATURE: Hot. As in overheating, not looking particularly ravishing. If anything looking the least attractive I ever have. Dry shampoo is even too much of an effort.

EXTRAS: Teeth! Feel like I need 20 fillings. Constant pain. Not enough to stop me from eating unfortunately.