It’s the final countdown. I’ve calculated it’s 50 days until I make my great escape from the classroom. There will be many things I will miss, but, as I’m sure many teachers will agree, there seems to be so much more that I will be glad to see the back of.

Number One – Weeing

I was going to put Ofsted as number one, but that organisation being top of a list, albeit a negative one, didn’t sit right with me so I’ll leave that for another day.

So I’ve opted for weeing. As in weeing when I want. Basically thanks to their teaching career, most educators develop a bladder of steel. It must be one of the few professions where you can’t go to the toilet when Mother Nature calls. Heavily pregnant. Wait until break. Water infection. Go at lunch. Surrounded by the sound of running water after giving birth to three children. Clean yourself up at home time. Teacher training should have a module where you have to down 10 litres of water then remain confined in a small space with feral little people for the next two hours. The CIA could start using it as a new torture technique because I would reveal anything to anyone if it meant I could go to the toilet after three lessons of holding it in. And to make matters worse, you spend your entire working day watching as an endless stream (no pun intended) of children trot off to the toilet, not because they actually need a wee, but because they’re bored or fancy a chat with their best mate.

Although, having a bladder of steel did have its advantages. I could lazily stay in bed with a box set (pretending I’m ill) without having to make the effort and raise myself from my nest. And I could wander round my home town to my heart’s content with a bulging bladder which is perfect, since they demolished the only public toilets years ago. But I’m approaching that age now where the steel is slowly turning into mesh and, if I were to remain in schools, the only option would be to dramatically increase the profits of Tena Lady.

So, only 50 days of jiggling, pacing and crossing my legs. Then I will have my weedom!!