A few weeks ago I decided not to make the usual resolutions. Because when I do, I fail. Here are the main culprits.

1. Not to procrastinate. I can procrastinate about procrastinating. I am good at it so why would I give up something which I’m good at?! I procrastinated once by writing a blog about procrastinating. Perfect Procrastination. That’s how good I am.

2. Saving money. I have three children. They keep growing and needing things. Like food and festival tickets. And cars. I work full time. I need my fridge to be stocked with costly ready made meals. I have a dog. For someone who loves tennis balls, he’s bloody brilliant at losing them. Or disembowelling his stuffed toys, necessitating new ones. My husband is a football coach. He likes to bribe his team with Jaffa Cakes (and not Tesco’s own) and has been doing for the past 11 years. Saving money is not an option.

3. Eat healthier. I’m miserable enough so why make myself more miserable? Plus, I can eat my body weight in crisps, as in potatoes. A vegetable. No matter that’s it’s been fried to within an inch of its life then drowned in salt. It’s a potato and I’m quarter Irish so it’s part of my staple, genetic diet so I can’t give it up.

4. Get fit. I ran/walked a half marathon once. I’ve proved a point. My body would probably go into shock if I attempted a brisk walk. I figure it would do more harm than good.

5. Stop moaning about my job. How else will I make my husband suffer? Slamming the door shut every week day, stomping into the living room before shouting “You will not believe what one of them said today?!” He takes pity on me, pours me a cuppa then makes my tea. Why would I stop that from happening?

So I’m giving up giving up. Giving up trying to be proactive, rich, healthy, fit and happy.

Now that does not sound normal. But then, I’m far from normal!