So body, what are you most looking forward to now it’s half term?

Well, I’m looking forward to you emptying my bladder when I ask you to instead of doing that wee waddle all day and almost causing a nasty accident (we won’t talk about the time you didn’t waddle enough!)

My stomach is looking forward to a more varied diet around lunchtime instead of the usual packet of crisps and chocolate mini roll.

The lungs are looking forward to breathing in some fresh, clean air instead of the stale, children polluted oxygen I have to tolerate for six hours a day.

My temples are looking forward to being pain free instead of enduring the throbbing which strangely starts bang on 08:55 and immediately stops around 15:30, which no amount of paracetamol seems able to fix.

My diaphragm is looking forward to regular movements and not the constant tossing up and down caused by frequent sighing.

My eyes are looking forward to staying in their usual position instead of rolling around when one of those little people offers up an answer.

So, Lindsay, that’s what I’m looking forward to. And please don’t use this free time to abuse my liver. You know it doesn’t end well.