(And two people actually have it.)

11:07 Lindsay spends two minutes trying to fit into a pair of knickers. She’s confused. She’s sure she’s lost weight with Covid. Turns out Ian has been putting Abigail’s knickers in the wrong drawer. He needs to make it up to her, big time.

11:53 Joel’s football match is finished.

“How do you think I played Mam?”

“Thought you had a good first half.”

“I didn’t play the first half. Were you watching the wrong player again?”

“No I was watching cute puppies on YouTube.”

“In the car?”

“No. In bed.”

12:34 Abigail’s watching a repeat of Strictly.

“I’m good at lifts too Mam.”

“I’d rather you were good at making cups of tea.”

13:04 Sweet Caroline comes on the telly.

“Aww. Does it remind you of your sister Ian?

“Hardly!”

14:45 Ian returns from Tesco with flowers for Lindsay. It looks like he’s bought mini cabbages. This is not how to make it up to her. Lindsay doesn’t know whether to put them in a vase or eat them.

16:34 Lindsay is trying to think of what to get for a takeaway.

“Get doner meat Mam.”

“How? I’m still veggie.”

“Yeah, but if you can’t taste it does it still count?”

“Yes!”

“Well. You’re ill. Think of the nutritional value?”

“Excuse me?!”

17:12 Ian’s refusing to watch Liverpool. Lindsay looks at the screen.

“They’re only playing Munich.”

“Eh? It’s Man United.”

“Well it should be Man, not Mun. Someone doesn’t know their vowel sounds.”

“Did you teach them?”

19:31 The floor cleaner has been stood on the middle of the kitchen all day.

“Linz. What’s the cleaner doing here?”

“I was thinking about cleaning the floor.”

“And?”

“I thought about it.”