08:32 Lindsay wakes up not at all refreshed from the extra H2O she had yesterday. As ice cubes. In her vodka.
09:01 Lindsay realises she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Feeling a bit out of sorts all day or drinking copious amounts of water which will inevitably means she’ll spend most of the day on the toilet playing Candy Crush.
11:21 Lindsay’s bank account can tell all too clearly that lockdown is easing and things have started to open up again.
11:34 Lindsay’s latest purchase has arrived.
“Sam! Do you like my new vases?”
“What? Those twisted bits of metal?”
11:49 Ian’s complaining to Lindsay about the mess in the house.
“Apparently your bargain boots live by the front door now.”
“They were not bargain! They were very, very expensive actually!”
“I didn’t say bargain. I said bag and boots.”
12:01 Lindsay’s Facebook memory is the family’s first walk up Arthur’s Seat.
“Oh Ian. I’m missing our annual tradition of wandering up Arthur’s Seat.”
“One. It’s not a wander. It’s a moan fest. Usually by you. Two. I wouldn’t call dragging four reluctant members of you family up a hill a tradition.”
“Annual ordeal then?”
12:12 Joel’s on his way out.
“Joel. Come and look at my new vases.”
“You’ve been conned. That’s dodgy plastic shaped to look like vases.”
15:34 Abigail can’t decide if she likes her new dance uniform.
“I don’t need to be reminded of who I dance for. I think if someone asks, I’m not gonna read my leotard or my leggings. I think I’ll remember.”
16:23 Lindsay’s taking Sam to the dentist 25 miles away. She reckons they’ve driven more miles than spoken words to each other.
16:44 Sam suddenly decides to talk.
“I was watching this funny video of a woman trying to reverse park.”
“Are you sure you just weren’t watching me?”
17:23 Lindsay’s serving Sam seconds.
“Abigail. Have you finished? Actually, have you even started?”
“Mam. You’re not gonna like this…”
18:01 Lindsay’s hoping for third time lucky.
“Abigail. Come and see my vases.”
“They’re not vases-”
“For goodness sake. Can you not pretend to like them? I spend every day pretending to like you lot!”
19:02 Lindsay’s cleaning sets of drawers to sell. She realises she could probably do with them in her classroom. But then there would no room for any kids.
“Ian. We’re not selling these now!”