Day Ninety-Seven in Lockdown #3.0

10:02 Lindsay’s getting angry with Abigail for not picking up the bath mat.

“Chill your beans Mam.”


“You old people get so upset about little things.”

“I know. I’m turning into my mother.”

Abigail laughs then stops suddenly.

“Hang on. Does that mean I’ll turn into you?”

“Karma, Abigail. Karma. One day you’ll get upset about bath mats. And inside out socks. And empty toilet rolls. And…”

11:12 Lindsay’s trying to drink the daily recommended amount of water, using the hourly marked bottles. However, as she dashes again to the toilet, she thinks there needs to be differentiated water bottles for people with 46 year old bladders and who’ve had three kids.

11:14 Sam’s off for his first driving lesson of the year.

“Drive well. Or, in your case, don’t kill anybody.”

11:23 Lindsay finds herself moisturising her nose. God knows why. It’s the only non wrinkly part of her body left.

13:12 Lindsay is trying to open a childproof box. Lindsay’s completely stumped and gets Sam to open it. She clearly needs Lindsayproof packaging.

14:27 Lindsay sorts out tea before going to the pub. She puts a selection of takeaway menus on the coffee table.

15:19 Apparently Joel is revising History. Lindsay hears him chuckling.

“Didn’t know the inter war years were so amusing Joel.”

“It’s Hitler. He just cracks me up.”

15:32 Ian and Joel are having an argument on the stairs. They’re about to cross and Ian thinks it’s bad luck. Joel doesn’t and won’t go back down.

“Crossing stairs is bad luck Joel. Down!”

“Think it’s a bit late to worrying about bad luck in this house Ian.”

16:13 Lindsay puts on a necklace with the kids’ names on. It’s not because she’s gonna miss them. It’s to remind her to check on them once in a while.

19:56 Lindsay returns home and Joel is waiting to greet her.

“Mam. Will you sort my tea out?”

“Sam was meant to do that.”

“Well he didn’t.”

Lindsay stomps into the kitchen.

“I can’t find it Joel.”

“Oh hang on. I ate it.”

Lindsay wonders if Joel’s been on the vodka too.


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