Day Ninety-Six in Lockdown #3.0

10:07 Lindsay sees that the solitary swan at her undiscovered lake (Lindsaymere) has now been joined by a mate for life. Hard luck, swan. Hard luck.

11:17 Frankie refuses to socialise with some other dogs in the river. He’s his mother’s son.

11:36 Lindsay arrives home and Ian leaves for work. Result.

11:37 Lindsay discovers that Ian’s shopped for crisps like it’s still Lent. Lindsay’s demolished a six pack before he’s even left the estate.

12:01 Lindsay’s so tired she can’t be bothered pulling her jeans back up after a trip the toilet. She forgets the back door is open and the neighbour gets more than he bargained for when he puts his recycling out.

12:12 Frankie is still soaked but is loitering outside because he doesn’t want his coat on.

“Kids. If the dog sneaks in, shout. Shout. Let it all out.”

They don’t get it.

12:56 Sam’s feeling generous.

“Do you want this fish Mam? I’m full.”

“Oh yes please.”

“Don’t eat that bit though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve spat it out.”

Lindsay loses her appetite.

13:19 Lindsay’s gonna have to start training her stomach soon to get used to non-elastic waistbands again.

13:23 Lindsay sees clearly where Abigail ate her lunch. She’s left a Hansel and Gretl trail of tuna into the conservatory.

14:11 Lindsay’s confused. She’s sure she’s read somewhere that it’s National Siblings Day but now it says it’s National Pet Day. She supposes it makes no difference given that she always gets Joel and the dog mixed up.

15:02 Abigail’s tidying her room and discovers a three year old Christmas present. Fake snow in a test tube. Her room is now even messier that before she started.

15:54 It starts to snow for real.

“Abigail. It’s snowing!”

“I’m a witch! I made that happen!”

“Abigail. Can you make someone put better grades on Joel’s GCSE results in August?”

17:12 Joel’s too hot.

“Mam. Can I turn the heating off?”

“Yeah. Just turn the dial.”

Joel appears with part of the thermostat in his hand.

“You don’t turn it off by taking the dial off!”


17:17 Lindsay is dishing up tea.

“One for Sam, one for Joel, one for Abigail, none for Ian. One for Sam….”

18:56 Joel wants a lift.

“Can you pick me up too? It might be late.”

“No. Look fella. It’s Line of Duty night!! No!”

“Mam. You need to get your priorities right.”

“You’re right fella. Line of Duty it is.”

19:02 Abigail’s confused.

“Mam. Why haven’t you opened the blinds all day?”

“Well, erm….it’s..”

“Is it because of Prince Philip?”

“Yes! We’ll go with that!”

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