
The mask is in the washing machine
Another long term is finally done
So that was teaching through Covid
Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?!
The autumn term is a distant memory
Everything went well or so we thought
In January came the dramatic announcement
There’s a new variant waiting to be caught
Shut the shops, close the hairdressers
And yes dear teachers, we won’t reopen schools
You thought we had it under control, didn’t you?
Well, it turns out we’ve again been utter fools.
So you teachers who’ve given up your time
To plan lessons for face to face learning
Are you sitting down? Are you ready?
Those ears of yours must be now burning!
You’re going online! You’ll teach through a screen!
Your new teacher friend is Microsoft Teams
You’ll adapt, you’ll enjoy, you might even excel
So forget all those already written schemes
And so it began, day one online
You change your background, you’re ready to teach
A myriad of faces appear on the screen
“Miss! Are you really sitting on the beach?”
You sooooo want to be sarcastic
But their parents might be in the room
“Of course not my little cherubs,”
“I’m in the cupboard with the hoover and broom.”
I really am in the under stairs cupboard
It’s the only place I can find any peace
Five hours a day talking to a screen
All the time dreaming of when I’m released.
I’d been taking hostage by Microsoft Teams
And the novelty soon wore off
“I think I’ve got a temperature kids,”
“And a newly acquired cough.”
“It’s ok Miss, you can carry on teaching,”
“We can’t get Covid through a screen.”
“In fact we don’t even think that you’re really ill,”
“It’s obvious you’re just not very keen.”
Lessons became long drawn out séances
“Hello? Is there anybody there?”
“Give me a sign! Send me a signal!”
“Actually, don’t bother, I don’t really care.”
The novelty wore off for the kids too
And they didn’t even try to lie
It’s brilliant this online working
Coz it’s dead easy to be blatantly work shy.
“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”
“I was still awake way after midnight.”
“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”
“I was too busy playing Fortnite.”
“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”
“My brother nicked my extension cord.”
“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”
“My cat wouldn’t budge off the keyboard.”
But there were advantages too
Teaching kids via a video call
When they started shouting out stupid answers
You could click straight on that Mute All!
Even better, you set the alarm for later
Some days you don’t bother cleaning your teeth
And nobody ever did realise
I was wearing my PJs beneath
Eventually it drew to a close
To the classroom we were to return
And all of those smiling faces changed
When they realised they’d have to again learn
It was time to take revenge
On those who’d been utterly lazy
“Remember this task I set on sharks?”
“I’m sorry Miss, my memory’s suddenly hazy.”
At least I think that’s what they said
As we were all now wearing masks
We all looked at each other confused
Nobody’s understood the just explained task
I’ve turned into Charlie Brown’s teacher
Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa
And the kids sound the same when they talk too
Things have become increasingly bizarre
But we’ll see what next term throws at us
It can’t get any worse that’s for sure
Unless I stupidly plan a grammar lesson
To explain the difference between your and you’re
The mask is in the washing machine
Another long term is finally done
So that was teaching through Covid
Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?
Here’s how the autumn term went in Pandemic Pedagogy Part One
😅 Sounds like a riot! I put Benji’s mask in the washing machine and it broke 😷 the mask not the washing machine!
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😂😂 What’s the infection rate etc like over there?
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We just had an 11 day lockdown, now we’re back to ‘yellow’ apparently. The kids are back at school 😅
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