The mask is in the washing machine

Another long term is finally done

So that was teaching through Covid

Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?!

The autumn term is a distant memory

Everything went well or so we thought

In January came the dramatic announcement

There’s a new variant waiting to be caught

Shut the shops, close the hairdressers

And yes dear teachers, we won’t reopen schools

You thought we had it under control, didn’t you?

Well, it turns out we’ve again been utter fools.

So you teachers who’ve given up your time

To plan lessons for face to face learning

Are you sitting down? Are you ready?

Those ears of yours must be now burning!

You’re going online! You’ll teach through a screen!

Your new teacher friend is Microsoft Teams

You’ll adapt, you’ll enjoy, you might even excel

So forget all those already written schemes

And so it began, day one online

You change your background, you’re ready to teach

A myriad of faces appear on the screen

“Miss! Are you really sitting on the beach?”

You sooooo want to be sarcastic

But their parents might be in the room

“Of course not my little cherubs,”

“I’m in the cupboard with the hoover and broom.”

I really am in the under stairs cupboard

It’s the only place I can find any peace

Five hours a day talking to a screen

All the time dreaming of when I’m released.

I’d been taking hostage by Microsoft Teams

And the novelty soon wore off

“I think I’ve got a temperature kids,”

“And a newly acquired cough.”

“It’s ok Miss, you can carry on teaching,”

“We can’t get Covid through a screen.”

“In fact we don’t even think that you’re really ill,”

“It’s obvious you’re just not very keen.”

Lessons became long drawn out séances

“Hello? Is there anybody there?”

“Give me a sign! Send me a signal!”

“Actually, don’t bother, I don’t really care.”

The novelty wore off for the kids too

And they didn’t even try to lie

It’s brilliant this online working

Coz it’s dead easy to be blatantly work shy.

“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”

“I was still awake way after midnight.”

“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”

“I was too busy playing Fortnite.”

“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”

“My brother nicked my extension cord.”

“I’m sorry I missed the lesson Miss,”

“My cat wouldn’t budge off the keyboard.”

But there were advantages too

Teaching kids via a video call

When they started shouting out stupid answers

You could click straight on that Mute All!

Even better, you set the alarm for later

Some days you don’t bother cleaning your teeth

And nobody ever did realise

I was wearing my PJs beneath

Eventually it drew to a close

To the classroom we were to return

And all of those smiling faces changed

When they realised they’d have to again learn

It was time to take revenge

On those who’d been utterly lazy

“Remember this task I set on sharks?”

“I’m sorry Miss, my memory’s suddenly hazy.”

At least I think that’s what they said

As we were all now wearing masks

We all looked at each other confused

Nobody’s understood the just explained task

I’ve turned into Charlie Brown’s teacher

Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa

And the kids sound the same when they talk too

Things have become increasingly bizarre

But we’ll see what next term throws at us

It can’t get any worse that’s for sure

Unless I stupidly plan a grammar lesson

To explain the difference between your and you’re

The mask is in the washing machine

Another long term is finally done

So that was teaching through Covid

Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?

Here’s how the autumn term went in Pandemic Pedagogy Part One