Pandemic Pedagogy

The mask is in the washing machine

The longest term ever is finally done

So that was teaching through Covid

Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?!

Students are now karate kids

They respond when they hear a shout

Not Mr Mijagi’s “Wax on! Wax off!”

But “Remember! Wipe in and wipe out!”

Every classroom has a station

Laden with tissues, wipes and gel

Bypass that hygiene table

And you’re pretty much condemned to hell.

“Wipe your tables! Wipe your seats!

Now sanitize your hands!

Windows open! Stay apart!

Obey all Boris’ demands!”

We’ve hardly had time to teach

We spend so long making everything clean

In ten years or so this generation of kids

Will be the tidiest adults that you’ve ever seen.

Classrooms are now divided

There’s a demarcation line clear to see

It’s them and us at all times

Unless you’re head to toe in unsuitable PPE.

Cross that sticky tape line at your peril

Or be fully prepared at all cost

It’s like Germany invading France

And we all know that they eventually lost.

How about teaching in a mask?

The kids say they don’t understand

Well that’s the excuse I’m going with

When lessons fail which I’d expertly planned.

The masks do come in handy though

When kids says something else wrong

You don’t have to try and hide the fact

You’ve been swearing at the buggers all day long.

Bubble is now the buzz word

We’re no longer allowed to mix

Except when they’re coming in on buses

And standing round corridors in their mini cliques.

Virtual assemblies are suddenly a necessity

CPD is now done all on a screen

Staff meetings are no more for the foreseeable

Until teachers are worthy of the vaccine.

But let’s have mass testing maybe

And a staggered return to schools

No let’s not, yes we will, no we won’t

We’re all being taken for imbecilic fools.

Give new guidance though in the last week

When the staff are all fraught and tired

No holiday for you dear teachers

Online learning is now probably required.

Forget time with your neglected families

There’s Teams lessons to be meticulously planned

Of course all the students have computers

And access to the high speed broadband.

Or maybe we’ll throw you a curveball

And think instead of the poor economy

Open schools, let COVID spread, blame teachers

Oh my goodness, aren’t we quite funny?

The mask is in the washing machine

The longest term ever is finally done

So that was teaching through Covid

Oh my word, wasn’t it fun?!

6 comments

  1. Oh AMEN to this!! I am not a teacher but I work in a school. We are all just collateral damage in this covid madness.

    It’s our fault that classes are being sent home, it is our fault that children are giving their parent’s Covid. Don’t even think about self isolating because you’ll be made to feel TERRIBLE for letting down the school and your colleagues.

    Don’t worry about our own health and anxiety, my personal mental health is as low now as it was when I lost my Mum 2 and a half years ago, and it’s because I am genuinely terrified of how quickly this is ripping through schools. I am so worried about bringing it home and inadvertently passing it on to someone who may not cope with it as well as I can. But also worrying that I may get it and have an underlying health condition that I don’t know about (my Mum didn’t know she had a hole in her heart since birth until she was 49!)

    I hope that some better decisions are made for our return in 2021, but I am not hopeful. I understand the need for live to return to normal and for children to be in school but what I can’t get on board with is the general lack of respect for the school staff who are quite literally putting their lives at potential risk. We can’t go in with as much PPE as medical staff or even supermarket staff! It is crazy.

    Whatever happens next, stay safe and thank you for sharing x x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t think people appreciated how hard school staff worked during the first lockdown. People thought we were having a nice jolly. I for one has to spend a day driving round delivering work to my students because they didn’t have internet/printers/ computers etc. I even had to buy some writing equipment and didn’t once expect to be paid back. And only giving us a couple of days notice before Christmas about a staggered return?! In the words of D-ream, things can only get better. Hopefully!!x

    Liked by 1 person

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