07:12 Lindsay’s using Abigail’s weighted blanket for the first time. She can’t get up. She’s stuck. Why didn’t these things exist when the kids were toddlers?!

10:56 Sam comes into the kitchen and sniffs.

“Samuel!!”

“What?!”

“Stop sniffing! I hate sniffing!”

Sam sniffs.

11:22 Lindsay suddenly remembers she’s going to the pub on Monday if the Cumbrian weather plays ball (yeah right). She’d better start getting ready now. She has a year’s worth of maintenance to catch up on.

11:58 Lindsay can’t find her glasses and sets off to look for them. She hears a crack and feels a pain in her foot. She’s found her glasses.

13:23 Lindsay is looking at Ian’s unruly hair.

“You’re gonna look like a new man when you finally get to the hairdresser.”

“Will you like me then?”

“Wouldn’t go that far.”

13:37 Sam gets Lindsay all excited when he returns from the garage with Pringles tubes.

“They’re empty.”

“What kind of wicked, villainous, despicable creature are you?!”

14:12 Joel is claiming he’s doing some revision.

“Can’t find my history flashcards. I bet they’ll be in a stupid place.”

“Well you’ll have no trouble finding them then.”

15:17 Joel shows Lindsay his revision timetable.

“Joel. What on earth is Scrap and Lizzie?”

“Inter war years and Elizabeth I.”

16:37 Lindsay is having a duet again with Elaine Paige as she cooks tea. Frankie comes rushing in.

“Aww. Do you like my singing Frankie?”

Lindsay’s holding an opened packet of ham.

16:54 Abigail isn’t impressed by her mother’s singing. Ian phones Lindsay’s mobile and Abigail answers.

“Dad. Please come home. Help me. Please.”

17:18 Joel and Lindsay are discussing his sixth form interview.

“I need to take along a good school report. We need to ratch one out.”

“I don’t think they’ll accept the one from when you were six.”