Day Eighty-Nine in Lockdown #3.0

04:53 Lindsay’s farts loudly her disapproval at Ian’s snoring.

04:55 Lindsay tries to take advantage of being wide awake at this hour to try and bag one of Aldi’s special buys. She’s 2457 in the queue. There are clearly a lot of women wide awake because of snoring husbands.

09:02 Lindsay explaining to Ian where she’s going with the dog.

“It’s an undiscovered lake. I found it on Friday.”

“An undiscovered lake in the Lake District?”

“Yeah, they should call it Lindsaymere.”

“Or just Lindsay Big Pond.”

09:37 Lindsay successfully negotiates contact with another human, although he seems to be laughing at Lindsay.

09:38 Lindsay wonders if he heard her impromptu duet with Elaine Paige. Or rather her butchering Barbara Dickson’s lines in I Know Him So Well.

09:39 Lindsay tries to remember on which drunken evening she added this Andrew Lloyd Webber classic to her Spotify.

10:49 Lindsay discovers she’s lost her car keys on the dog walk.

“That’s your fault Frankie because you ate ham on Good Friday!”

Frankie gets excited at the mention of ham.

10:59 Lindsay Thickett strikes again. She’s meant to be videoing Sam play football as part of his A-Level PE assessment but the dog is being a pain.

“Sam! Come and hold Frankie while I video you.”

11:01 Lindsay forgets how to put Ian’s car into reverse. It doesn’t matter. It was only a drainpipe.

12:56 Joel appears very, very subdued after a night drinking alcohol. Lindsay makes sure there’s enough in the fridge to last two weeks.

14:03 Joel’s confused yet again.

“Mam. Why is the telly talking to itself?”

“It’s just nice to know I’m not the only one.”

16:43 Joel appears downstairs, fully refreshed and back to normal.

“Somebody get that boy a drink!”

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