Things I have learnt during remote learning.

1. My class do know how to be quiet. Their ability to say absolutely nothing for 20 minutes was outstanding.

2. My class thinks I’m stupid. The click, click, click sound is not them voraciously typing notes as I talk. It’s them playing some online game whilst pretending to listen to me.

3. Kids think they can outsmart a 46 year old. They log on religiously, turn off their cameras and microphones and make out that they’re listening attentively. They’re not. They’ve buggered off to another room to watch YouTube. Their lack of response results in a phone call home. They stop thinking they’re clever. Until they forget two days later and start taking me for a fool again.

4. Lockdown has erased parts of kids’ long-term memories. All of a sudden, this tech-savvy, mobile-wielding generation are ‘having difficulties’.

“I can’t find the work.”

“This brand new laptop you’ve given me isn’t working.”

“My login details suddenly don’t work.”

5. Children leaving the lesson is not a problem. No shouting. No slamming of doors. Most of the time I never noticed that I only had half a class left.

6. They can’t be trusted to be left alone in a breakout room. But they didn’t know that I could just barge in without knocking and interrupt.

“That does not sound like a debate using recently discussed persuasive language. You’re discussing what you’re gonna have for lunch!”

7. There is a market out there for an actual, real life Mute All button. Whoever invents this first will be able to afford Bill Gates as their pool cleaner.

8. Kids these days cannot eat with their mouths shut. As frequently witnessed during the 2,864 snacks my class felt the need to eat during lessons instead of during break or lunch.

9. Apparently there’s a brand new computer virus out there which seemingly only affects Microsoft Teams. It targets the calendar and declines all meetings on the user’s behalf. Nothing else. Just the calendar. And possibly just kids in my class.

10. I wouldn’t make a good medium. After two times of asking “Is anybody there?”, I’m happy to give up and go and make a cup of tea.