09:36 All those PE lessons playing Kicky Rounders in primary school have been a complete waste of time because Lindsay can’t get Frankie’s ball more than one metre in front of her.
10:32 Lindsay’s faced with a stark choice. Opt for friction but risk standing in animal excrement or go for wet and slippy and fall on her arse again. Poo it is.
10:47 Frankie and Lindsay find themselves on opposite sides of a water filled trench. Neither of them appear bothered at being separated from each other.
14:23 Lindsay is confused as to why the roads into town are so busy. Has Boris announced an end to lockdown without her knowing? Why on earth would everyone need to go en masse into town today?
14:24 Crap!! Mothers’ Day!!
14:34 Lindsay spends fifteen minutes downloading a parking app just so she doesn’t have to walk an extra five yards to the ticket matching to pay for a thirty minute stay. There’s logic in there somewhere. She just can’t find it.
15:01 Lindsay laughs at an excited parent coming out of Argos with a massive toy for her baby.
“Look at this! What is it?”
She’ll learn soon enough that it will only give her five minutes peace and will clutter up her living room for the next two years.
15:47 Abigail emerges from the living room.
“What did you do in dancing today?”
Lindsay won’t ask again.
16:23 Sam bumps into Lindsay in the kitchen.
“Have you bought a Mothers’ Day card Sam?”
16:26 “Sam. Have you seen Joel today?”
“Good day then so far?”
17:23 Sam raises Lindsay’s hopes.
“Is £80 a week reasonable for a flat?”
“Why?! Are you moving out?!”
“No. It’s for a maths question.”
“Not interested then.”
18:36 Ian has breaking news.
“Linz. Murray Walker’s died.”
“Aww. Hang on, wasn’t he already dead?”
“No! He’s not Jesus and come back to life!”
“Well it’s the right time of year for it.”