09:02 Lindsay is teaching the class as another adult with a Scouse accent is introducing sight words to some pupils. Lindsay is chuckling to herself.

“What was that word Miss?”

“Hair.”

“Like on your head?”

“No. Hair.”

“How’s it spelt?”

“H-E-R. Hair.”

“So hair?”

“No!”

This is the most fun Lindsay has had in weeks.

“Miss. Aren’t you meant to be setting a good example?”

“I don’t know. Am I?”

14:54 Lindsay’s in a good mood. Home early, child free for a bit and Ian lodging away tonight. Not even Frankie launching his weapons of smelly farts can upset her.

14:59 Lindsay opens the council tax bill. It appears Robin Hood is alive and well.

15:03 Ian phones and Lindsay puts him on speaker. Frankie barks continuously at this unwelcome intruder in the living room.

15:54 Lindsay has a vague feeling that she has forgotten something.

15:55 The phone rings.

“Mam. Have you remembered to pick us up?”

Feck.

16:02 Lindsay and the kids head to McDonalds.

“What do you want Joel?”

“Protein powder.”

“Don’t think McDonalds sell that. Why do you want protein powder?”

“I wanna be wham.”

“George or Andrew?”

16:04 Joel is being persistent.

“Abigail. Ask Mam for some protein powder. You’re her favourite.”

“What do you want it for Joel?”

“I’ve said. I want to be wham.”

“Maybe if you wake me up before you go go.”

Joel doesn’t understand his mother sometimes.

17:02 Joel and Sam are discussing GCSE grades.

“If Joel gets better grades than me, it’s because I went to Whitehaven School.”

“True.”

“And if Sam’s grades are better than mine, it’s because I’m stupid.”

“True.”

17:19 Joel announces he’s going for a walk.

“I can’t pick you up Joel. Your dad’s lodging away tonight so I’ll be in bed by six.”

18:01 Lindsay tracks Joel on her phone and is surprised to see that Ian is moving. Away from his hotel room. In the direction of his home. Lindsay grabs her phone.

“Are you coming home?”

“Yeah. The job was cancelled.”

“Noooooooooooo.”

19:12 Lindsay’s phone rings.

“Mam. Can you pick me up? I’m cold.”

“Nooooooooooooo.”