06:59 Lindsay’s enjoying her last chilled morning before work tomorrow.

07:02 “Mam! Where’s my school shoes!”

“Cupboard downstairs.”

“Mam. There’s no money on my account.”

“Just topped it up.”

“Mam. These trousers don’t fit.”

“Breathe in all day.”

“Mam. Which book should I take in for History?”

“I don’t know! How about your Physics book?!”

07:03 Lindsay instead recalls enjoying her last chilled morning yesterday.

08:34 Lindsay’s looking for the lasagne dish.

“Oh, I remember now. Had to bin it.”

“Well, that’s your Mother’s Day present sorted then.”

11:03 Ian’s obviously missing Anneka Rice’s Treasure Hunt. He phones Lindsay on the dog walk and has her running up and down stairs, opening cupboards and searching through clothes.

“I can’t find the fecking diary Kenneth! Next clue!”

13:21 Lindsay wonders whether she should dye her hair before going back to school tomorrow. But she decides she wants the buggers to see how much they’ve aged her.

16:12 Lindsay’s at a loss as to why she can’t hear the telly all of a sudden. She’s shouting at everyone. Turns out it’s her arse controlling the remote.

16:32 Joel produces his quote of the day.

“I had a fight once.”

“How’s that?”

“I nearly hit him.”

16:37 Joel doesn’t know when to stop. He asks Lindsay a question during tea.

“Mam! Stop eating with your mouth full.”

17:01 It’s taking Lindsay a ridiculous amount of time to figure out how to do a lateral flow test. She could have caught COVID and made a full recovery in the amount of time it’s taken her to administer one.

17:12 Lindsay is giving contact lenses a go.

“Well these are rubbish. I can’t see a thing.”

“That’s because you can’t see that you’ve dropped the bloody lenses onto the table!”

17:23 Joel really doesn’t know when to stop.

“Where’s dad?”

“He’s taken Sam to drop a present off at Holly’s.”

“So where’s Sam?”