Day Sixty-Two in Lockdown #3.0

04:36 Lindsay wakes up with a banging headache. She is clearly allergic to non essential human contact. She needs to proceed cautiously, just like the great leader says, when it comes to interacting with society.

08:42 Lindsay tells her class that she’s not well but they can still message her. Cue regular messages and lots of work submitted. Obviously the way to get her class to work is to catch a stomach bug and have frequent bouts of diarrhoea.

09:32 Today’s game in the Stevenson house is who can scrape out the last grain of sugar instead of refilling the tin.

10:47 If Lindsay wasn’t nauseous enough before, she will be now that she has to enter Sam’s room, which he hasn’t vacated properly since December 18th.

12:57 Lindsay wonders why her socks are wet when she hasn’t sneezed. There appears to be a leak from somewhere other than her body. On International Women’s Day, she is strong and phones Ian so he can deal with it.

“Where’s it coming from?”

“A white, plastic, bending thing.”

“U-bend?”

“Yes, I still can with my back. Are you jealous?”

Lindsay can’t decide whether to retrain as a plumber or a comedienne.

17:02 Joel’s questioning his mother’s cooking skills yet again.

“Mam. This beef tastes funny.”

“That’s because it’s chicken.”

17:04 Ian tells Lindsay the meal was lovely as he heads to the cupboard and swigs from the Gaviscon bottle.

19:01 Sam uses sweeteners. This game will obviously be carried over to tomorrow.

19:23 Lindsay is most upset about Harry and Meghan. The next episode of Unforgotten has been postponed because of this bloody interview.

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