08:36 Five days. That’s how long Lindsay has to sort out the stomach which appears before the rest of her in a mirror and the derrière which stays behind as the rest of her body walks away.

10:58 Lindsay suddenly remembers she has an optician’s appointment in 90 minutes. She sits down and tries to remember things you need to do before leaving the house.

11:03 Lindsay has a eureka moment and remembers about matching underwear in case of that famous accident we’re always told we might have. She is driving herself so it’s not a bad idea really.

11:34 Lindsay reconsiders her choice of skirt. It used to be knee length but now that extra inches of fabric are needed to cover her belly, it’s now a belt.

11:37 Lindsay hunts out a turtle neck to hide the turkey neck.

12:16 Lindsay leaves confident that she’s remembered how to leave the house looking presentable.

12:18 Mask!! Lindsay does a 17 point turn and heads back home.

12:56 Lindsay quite likes driving Sam’s car. Other drivers are giving her a wide berth because of the L plates. Maybe she should get some for her own car.

13:34 Ian’s been invited to a stag do.

“Yes, yes, yes you can go.”

“Guess who’s it is?”

“Woodsy?”

“No.”

“Barnesy?”

“No. You know his fiancée better.”

“Tracey?”

“Yeah.”

“So I was right?”

“No. She’s marrying Smithy.”

“So I was right with Woodsy.”

“How were you right with Woodsy when it’s Smithy?”

“Because that’s who I meant.”

14:39 Abigail and Sam are annoying the superstitious Ian by crossing on the stairs. Lindsay is amused.

“Don’t be stupid Ian. We always cross on the stairs when you’re not..owwwwww!! I’ve stubbed my toe! That’s you twos fault for crossing on the stairs!”

14:40 Lindsay is no longer amused.

17:04 Lindsay’s watching Mastermind in preparation for another Zoom quiz. The specialist round is on the gospel of Mark.

“Jesus did not go to a cinema?!”

“He said synagogue.”

“Oh. Yeah, he probably went to one of them.”

17:07 Mastermind is still on.

“That’s not fair. How come her round has finished?! She’s only had one minute!”

“It’s our microwave beeping!”

18:02 Lindsay’s trying on her latest purchase. Joel Gautier spies her.

“Another tea towel?”