09:21 Lindsay’s left leg appears to have regained its normal size so she needs something new to complain about.

“I’m slightly deaf in my left ear Ian.”

“Eh?”

“I’m deaf in my left ear.”

“Eh?”

“I SAID, I’M…..oh FFS.”

12:04 Lindsay’s amusing Ian by getting teary eyed at Captain Tom’s funeral.

“Do you think you’ll cry at my funeral Linz?”

“Depends if I turn up.”

14:23 Lindsay thinks that maybe if she spent more time cleaning and less time buying things to hide how dirty her house is, she could retire early.

15:03 Abigail’s helping Ian and Lindsay unload the shopping.

“There’s not many crisps.”

“Because I’ve given up them up for Lent to remind me of Jesus.”

“Don’t you remember all those crisps Jesus ate, Abigail?”

16:32 Joel went out for a walk three hours ago.

“Aren’t you worried Linz?”

“That he might come back?”

18:07 One of Lindsay’s students sends her a picture of an exploding poo. She wonders if that’s their version of a sick note.

18:21 “Mam. Why are you eating a bag of lettuce?”

“I’m pretending it’s crisps.”

“How’s that working out?”

“Rabbits have my upmost sympathy.”

18:23 Lindsay’s found something else to complain about.

“Eeeeean. Av an ulcer on da tip o ma tongue.”

“I believe the best remedy is to stop talking.”

19:02 Ian is questioning Lindsay’s latest purchase.

“What is the point of that lantern?”

“It also functions as a blunt instrument.”