Day Fifty-Two in Lockdown #3.0

07:35 Lindsay hears Frankie coming upstairs. She plays dead so he doesn’t demand attention. Turns out she’d make a good dog. Or dead person.

08:32 Lindsay’s confused about a Facebook post about rouge traders. It’s troubling the French graduate as to why she’s never heard of these coloured cowboys.

08:37 Ping! It meant rogue.

10:47 Lindsay’s confused again. Paul Burrell has liked one of her Instagram posts. Why would the former butler of a dead princess like her photo?

10:59 Ian’s now confused as to why Lindsay has moved the vase of flowers.

“Why have you done that? There’s a massive gap there now. It looks stupid.”

“I know. It’s almost like we need something to be delivered today to fill that gap.”

“FFS.”

12:36 Lindsay hasn’t complained about her 6 week old sore ankle for at least two hours. She now has a swollen leg. She hikes up her joggers and walks round like a golfer from the 1920s.

“Look Abigail! Spot the difference!”

“They used to be skinny?”

Nobody cares.

“You won’t be laughing when it’s a serious illness and I die!”

Ian starts singing ‘Ding-Dong! The Witch is Dead.’

12:37 Lindsay seeks sympathy elsewhere.

“Joel. Spot the difference!”

“One leg is fat and the other is fatter.”

12:39 Lindsay tries again.

“Sam. Spot the difference.”

“Is is your slippers?”

12:41 Lindsay goes back to thinking about why the former butler of a dead princess would like her photo.

14:34 “Mam. Can you help with my German?”

For some reason, Lindsay envisages a man wearing lederhosen and swigging beer who is annoying her Schmoopaloo. Joel means translating sentences into the past tense.

18:02 Lindsay’s watching The Tudors again.

“Linz. What’s the current obsession with Henry VIII?”

“He knows how to get rid of a spouse or two.”

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