08:34 Sergeant Major Lindsay starts the daily roll call.

“Abigail, wake up. You have Form.”

“I don’t today.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

08:36 “Joel! Wake up. You have Form.”

“I’m tomorrow!”

“Oh. Sorry.”

08:38 Lindsay’s showing signs of madness.

“So who has Form? Frankie? Do you have Form? I know I don’t.”

08:49 Crap!

“Sam! Form!”

It turns out Lindsay does have form. In forgetting how many children she has.

09:36 Lindsay’s resorted to bribing her students to do some work. Turns out the buggers can work when money is involved. Lindsay thinks some of them don’t realise though that the money is going to charity though and not them. And she’s not about to remind them.

11:27 Lindsay’s trying to resurrect Joel.

“You’ve got Physics in three minutes. Wake up!”

“Physics isn’t important.”

“How about I start testing whether gravity is important by dropping heavy objects on your head?”

12:37 Cordon Bleu Lindsay is making lunch for Joel.

“Why have you cut up my chicken?”

“No reason. Old habit.”

“It’s burnt isn’t it?”

“Possibly.”

13:42 Lindsay’s class are completing a class domesday book.

“So, who lives in your house?”

“2 people and 2 dogs.”

“So 2 pets?”

“3.”

“How come? You’ve said 2 dogs.”

“Yeah but I want a budgie.”

13:44 Lindsay moves on to a different child.

“Who lives in your house?”

“4 people and a cactus.”

Lindsay wonders if William the Conqueror had this problem.

18:02 Lindsay is digesting the news that teachers will be responsible for GCSE grades this year. She heads straight to the Tesco website to buy a trolley full of wine for Joel’s teachers.

18:32 Joel is talking about his sixth form options.

“I want to go back to my old school.”

“Let me get this straight Joel. You want to leave the outstanding school to go to the school in special measures where you were a bit of an arse?”

“Yeah.”

Lindsay adds more wine to the trolley for Joel’s old teachers.