Day Forty-Seven in Lockdown #3.0

08:36 Lindsay is getting morbid. She’s now talking about having bagpipes at her funeral.

“In fact maybe I should get cremated up there Ian?”

“How on earth am I gonna get you up there?! Stick you in the car with a seat belt on…..actually I wouldn’t need to bother with a seat belt would I?”

09:27 Lindsay’s health kick isn’t going well. She’s put her water bottle next to last night’s crispy noodles. The box is now empty but her water bottle still says it’s 8am.

10:36 Lindsay forgets she’s given up parenting for Lent and makes breakfast for Joel and Abigail.

11:23 Joel and Abigail have obviously forgotten that their mother can parent as their breakfast is still uneaten.

11:42 Joel appears to have morphed into the Fonz. He communicates constantly with a thumbs up. Or he’s trying to hitch a lift out of the house.

12:01 Joel hasn’t put his dishes away. Lindsay communicates with him using a different hand gesture.

14:32 Ian returns home knackered.

“I’ve just done another Wainwright.”

“You mean a fell, right? Not a woman?”

14:44 Lindsay decides being ambidextrous would be a good skill to have. She could then shovel food into her mouth with both hands to save time.

15:14 Lindsay’s not doing well in her eye test.

“Can you look left please?”


“That’s right.”


“No I mean you looked the wrong way. You need to look left.”


“No left. Did you say you were a teacher?”

15:23 The optometrist asks Lindsay to start the next test.

“Could you sit on my instrument please?”

Lindsay’s not that desperate to pass this test.

17:24 Joel’s not happy.

“What’s a dead fly doing in the bathroom?”

“Not a lot I’m guessing.”

18:01 The men are busy sorting out the garage.

“Abigail. The garage is starting to look like a den. We’ll be able to get rid of those three soon and have the house to ourselves.”

“We’ll have to start liking each other again then.”


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