10:01 Ian’s off for a dog walk.

“Why don’t you ask Joel. It’s nice to have company.”

“It is. But Joel?”

11:12 Lindsay sits down to some lesson planning. Also knows as browsing Pinterest and stealing other people’s good ideas.

12:57 Lindsay’s looking at the local weather presenter. She starts giving him some advice. He needs to lose weight, have a shave and get some fashion sense. Well, Ian thinks she’s talking to the guy on the telly.

“Why are you looking at me?”

13:34 Ian is explaining the Mandela Effect to Lindsay.

“What does E.T. say?”

“Phone home.”

“No. Home phone. What does the guy in Jaws say when they’re on the boat?”

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

“Nope. You’re gonna need a bigger boat. It’s people remembering things differently to how they actually happened.”

“Like us thinking babies were cute so we should keep on having them?”

14:23 Ian is listening to some Tory minister talking about how the economy will bounce back because everyone has been saving money.

“Not if you’re married to a Lindsay.”

16:46 Lindsay forgets all about Lent and scoffs a packet of Hula Hoops. All’s not lost though. She’s given up parenting too and she’s stuck to that one.

18:32 Lindsay is playing along on Mastermind. She gets a Maths question right and thinks she’s on a roll.

“Which French word is a creamy substance used as a basis for cakes?”

“Right Ian. I know this. Fondu.”

“The answer is fondant.”

“That’s because I don’t do cakes.”

“Or French.”

18:42 The Chinese delivery driver is lost and phones Lindsay.

“Right, turn left straight away, then we’re the first right, I mean left. No, second left. And our door is..oh it’s dark. You can’t tell. Well, we’re number 20. Actually, I can’t remember if we have a number. I’ll look out for you.”

“That’s us not eating tonight kids.”