Day Forty-Four in Lockdown #3.0

07:59 Lindsay’s living life on the edge. She puts the black bin out with seconds to spare.

09:32 Ian and Lindsay are talking about changing the colour scheme in the conservatory.

“How long is it since we got the new kitchen?”

“Can’t remember. I wasn’t working full time.”

“Well that narrows it down to sixteen years then.”

09:57 Lindsay’s moaning again.

“I preferred the first lockdown. I didn’t have to teach properly.”

“Since when have you taught properly?!”

12:12 Ian’s going on about how he struggles to pay attention to Kier Starmer when he talks because he’s dull. Ian says some other stuff too but Lindsay switches off.

12:32 Lindsay serves up Frankie’s food. She whistles for him but he looks completely disinterested for some reason but Abigail comes running.

“Ah, it was you I was meant to be feeding.”

13:43 Ian’s getting fed up.

“Stop nagging me woman!”

“Well stop coming home then.”

14:35 Abigail spots Lindsay with Monopoly.

“Are we playing?”

“No. I’m hiding it so nobody gets any ideas.”

15:57 Sam loses 5 pounds. Ian’s shaves off his Afro.

16:23 Hermes make their daily visit while Lindsay’s trying to sleep.

“Oh! He’s denoyed my wap!!”

19:09 Lindsay glances at a group What’s App message and chokes on her tea. She thought a colleague wanted an 80s power wank. Walk, Lindsay! It says walk!

19:10 Lindsay’s on the Specsavers website arranging an eye test.


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