Day Thirty-Eight in Lockdown #3.0

06:36 Lindsay hates how the sound of Frankie scratching his back is similar to Frankie being sick. She trudges back upstairs to carry on drooling on the pillow.

07:38 Lindsay hisses at Frankie to get off the new coffee table. Frankie’s lying bemused on the sofa. It’s a vase of flowers. She trudges back upstairs to get her glasses.

14:31 Without realising, the school day is over just like that. Why can’t every day be like that?

15:32 Lindsay is trying to get Joel’s attention.

“Schmoopaloo!!”

“Stop calling me that! It’s annoying.”

“What was that? It’s annoying. It gets on your nerves. It does your head in, it wears you down. You can’t take much more. Is that right Schmoopaloo?”

16:23 Lindsay’s looking at Springer groups on Facebook. She shows off her lack of common sense.

“Why would anyone paint their dog in oil?”

“I think they’ve a painted a picture of their dog with oil colours.”

“Ah. That makes more sense.”

16:34 Lindsay’s talking to Joel about his old school.

“Are you glad you moved schools?”

“Yeah. It made me smarter.”

“When did that supposedly happen?”

17:02 Joel’s demanding a haircut.

“I look homeless.”

“That can be arranged.”

17:17 Lindsay did a cracking job of sorting the dirty washing into piles. She’s just discovered she’s hasn’t actually put any in the washing machine.

17:36 Joel’s not happy with his tea.

“Mam!”

“Oh yeah, sorry. A bit of egg shell got in the pan.”

“No. It’s one of your hairs! Where’s the egg shell?”

“Probably near the paper from the chips?”

18:02 Ian’s trying to persuade Lindsay to do a Wainwright next week.

“I’m not built for hills. I’m built for sofas.”

18:56 Lindsay discovers her belly is now large and squidgy enough to be used as a stress ball.

19:07 Lindsay’s stomping around

“Where are my pyjama bottoms?!”

“You never took them off this morning!”

19:17 Lindsay’s not amused. Frankie’s almost got more Instagram followers than her.

“If I doused myself in water and rolled round in mud, would I get more followers?”

“Maybe thirty years ago.”

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