07:26 Lindsay reckons she might try out for a women’s football team. She’s spent the night kicking Ian to get him to bloody shut up.

10:47 Joel’s school report arrives. Lindsay’s in a good mood now so she won’t open it just yet.

11:57 Lindsay’s checking some videos for her history lesson. Good job she did. William the Conqueror was called a bastard and the South African accent in another made it sound like England was full of Sex, not Saxons. Might have caught their attention for a change though.

13:37 Lindsay’s done. She awards herself star of the week.

14:01 Lindsay gets an email asking if she’s looking for an exciting way to celebrate World Book Day with her class. No.

14:42 Ian’s supposedly at work but he’s sending photos of hot tubs. Lindsay did want one but now that Ian wants one, she doesn’t want one.

15:27 Lindsay messages a parent and adds how she hopes schools will be open again soon. Lying comes so easy to her.

16:23 Lindsay’s sorting tea.

“What would you like Sam?”

“I’ll sort myself out.”

“What would you like Abigail?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m not hungry yet.”

“What would you like Joel?”

“Chicken and potatoes with a side of protein.”

“We don’t have potatoes. How about chicken and chips?”

“Chicken and chips? You don’t have chicken and chips. Who’s heard of chicken and chips?!”

“The whole world. It obviously hasn’t reached Planet Joel yet.”

18:32 Lindsay gets two messages about Frankie being a brand model.

“Ian! I’ll never have to teach again!”

“I think you just get a free bandana and some dog snacks Linz.”

18:47 Lindsay’s desperate to go to Edinburgh.

“I miss Edinburgh Ian. I want my ashes scattered there.”

“There are less drastic ways to get back there Linz.”