08:23 Lindsay’s moaning to Ian about all her ailments.

“And now I’ve got a splinter. I need put down.”

“You’re a bad, bad wife and a terrible cook.”

09:01 Lindsay’s telling her class about her choking fit in the shower. She’s not in the shower as she’s telling the kids. She was in the shower.

“And for some reason, some water went down by windpipe. My epiglottis just wasn’t with it. A bit like you lot on a Monday morning. And Friday afternoon. And after lunch. And the last week of term. And after PE…”

10:47 Abigail’s being brutally truthful.

“I hate Geography. My teacher is asking me if immigrants should be allowed to cross the border. I mean, I’m 12 and I can’t even find England on a map.”

12:57 Lindsay amuses Abigail when she spills water on her top.

“Mam! Why did you do that?”

“Well, I haven’t done it in a while. Had a few minutes to kill so I thought, why not?”

Lindsay bemuses her daughter.

13:34 The tumble dryer is now producing the same noise which Lindsay’s knees make when she stands up.

14:42 Joel gets some work back after two weeks.

“Is that bad Mam? Two weeks to mark!”

“Yep. That’s bad. I’m completely on top of all my marking.”

Lindsay fails to mention it’s because her student don’t actually do any bloody work.

16:46 Lindsay sends Joel to ask his siblings what they would like for tea.

17:01 “Joel! Is it a secret?!”

17:13 Joel thinks Lindsay is stupid. He’s been wearing the same two outfits since Christmas so he never has to put any clothes away. Lindsay’s not stupid. She’s just defeated.

17:16 Lindsay goes to check what time Abigail’s dance lesson starts but ends up recycling some packaging.

17:18 Lindsay goes to put roasties in the oven but ends up replying to an email.

17:20 Lindsay goes to feed the dog but ends up unloading the washing machine.

17:30 Dory Lindsay sits down then remembers all the things she was meant to be fecking doing. Abigail’s missed dancing, Joel’s eating chicken with a side of chicken and the dog’s gnawing his own paw.