Day Thirty-Three in Lockdown #3.0

09:17 Lindsay sees a snowflake and decides she is a snowflake.

“I can’t take the dog out Ian. I might get trapped.”

“I would never be that lucky.”

10:49 Ian stops Lindsay from going food shopping.

“Why can’t I go?”

“Because you’re useless. You forget the food bit. You’ll come back with four bottles of bleach, ten packets of wipes, two multipacks of crisps and some half price Sharpies.”

“You can never have enough Sharpies.”

11:05 Lindsay’s Apple Watch thinks she might actually have died.

11:49 Frankie protects the house from the fierce 10 foot human-eating monster walking past the fence. Or rather the cute little Shit Tzu looking back at Frankie like he’s got a screw loose.

13:42 Joel’s being demanding.

“What’s for lunch?”

“Whatever you make for yourself.”

“This is child neglect.”

“I like to call it building resilience.”

14:21 Lindsay leaves the volume on an odd number. It annoys Ian. Because he’s odd.

15:45 Lindsay’s enjoying a sneaky nap but is woken by Frankie poking his nose into her hand. He appears agitated and dashes to the kitchen. Apparently there’s a roast chicken on the counter which needs eaten.

17:12 Lindsay serves up an appetising roast to vegetable phobic Ian.

“Enjoy your beige tea with a hint of brown.”

17:27 Chef Lindsay tells Abigail’s what’s for tea.

“I made a roast dinner.”

“Can you take off the mash, roasties and Yorkshires?”

“That just leaves chicken?”

“Yeah, then can you add noodles?”

“So you want Chinese?”

“Yeah! Sunday Chinese.”

17:59 Ian’s getting ready for night shift.

“Do you need bait?”

“Maybe. Why are you gonna make it?”

“No, I was just wondering.”

18:12 Ian still doesn’t know the Liverpool score. Lindsay’s quite happy to tell him.

“Bloody hell. Did someone get sent off?”

“No, you were just crap.”

18:34 Lindsay’s confused.

“There’s a toy poodle following Frankie on Instagram.”

“And?”

“Who sets up an account for a toy?!”

“It’s a type of dog you silly woman!”

19:03 Lindsay and Ian are discussing the gymnast on Dancing on Ice.

“Oh Ian. She won a bronze medal at Rio.”

“That’s right. She danced on the sand.”

“I don’t remember them dancing on the sand.”

Ian starts singing the Duran Duran hit.

19:05 “Oh I get you now!”

Ian thinks Lindsay’s parents should ask Edinburgh Uni for their money back.

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