07:22 Abigail appears downstairs, hyper with verbal diarrhoea. Lindsay wonders if putting Peppa Pig on a loop would still work its trick.

08:32 It’s Frankie’s birthday. He sticks his head in the present bag. He’s not looking for his present. He’s trying to hide from the hysterical humans asking him how he feels to be five. Or 35. He wishes they’d make their minds up. Or just leave him alone to kill this squeaky pink thing.

09:01 Lindsay starts the day with a rant.

“Guess who’s fault it is that we say quarter?! William the Conqueror! Invading our country and fetching over his stupid French words!”

“So does he beat Harold miss?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well we haven’t got to that bit yet.”

“Oh for…fourth’s sake!”

10:45 Lindsay’s feeling proud of herself.

“I’ve remembered to wash your work jumper Ian.”

“I’m not going in to work today.”

Some people are so ungrateful

11:01 Lindsay starts her seance aka English lesson.

“Is anybody there? Show me a sign that you can hear me.”

13:37 Lindsay is trying to give out a code for an online activity.

“X then X. F. F for ……..”

For the life of her, Lindsay can only think of one word beginning with F. And it’s not fourth.

14:32 Ian appears to be missing with Frankie. Sam shows some concern.

“How long have they been gone?”

“About four hours?”

“Shouldn’t you do something?”

“Should I? Oh yes, yes. I probably should.”

Lindsay looks into how to report a dog missing.

15:15 Lindsay is desperate for some fresh air. She opens the back door. It’s spitting. Maybe not that desperate. She might melt.

16:45 Lindsay gets an email from Garmin about a Sat Nav being a perfect Valentine’s present. Lindsay doesn’t agree. They don’t need one. She enjoys telling Ian exactly where to go.

17:32 Ian’s being more annoying than normal. Lindsay can’t get him to do any jobs. He keeps calling Lindsay Jackie Weaver and telling her she has no authority here.

18:06 Joel goes for a walk.

18:19 “Mam. Can you pick me up?”

“I don’t think you quite understand the concept of a walk Joel.”