08:15 Lindsay’s students start sending messages to each other on chat. They sound chirpy. Lindsay will soon knock that out of them.

09:03 Lindsay’s tactic today is to laugh her way through live lessons. It’s more delirium than genuine hilarity but the kids shouldn’t notice.

09:29 The Maths lesson is in full flow. Well, a mild trickle.

“Is it three fourths Miss?”

Cue manic laughter.

09:71 David Platt joins the lesson again. Lindsay must add him to the register.

11:46 Lindsay announces to Ian that she’s made his bait.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing!”

“What have you bought?”

“Nothing!……Yet.”

12:51 Abigail makes an observation.

“Since when did we have artificial plants?”

“Since it was established that I’m a natural born plant killer.”

13:23 Joel makes scrambled eggs for 3. And enough mess for 33.

14:01 “Where’s dad?”

“Work.”

15:03 “Where’s dad?”

“Work.”

16:04 “Where’s dad?”

“Work! Does anyone ever ask where I am?”

“No.”

17:23 Lindsay discovers we say quarter because it comes from the old French for four – ‘quart’. Bloody William the Conqueror coming over here, changing our language and making her fractions lesson totally unbearable!

17:34 Lindsay is suspicious. Ian says he’s gone to work but he’s sending her pictures of solar lamps in B&M.

“Kids! I don’t think your dad is at work!”