10:32 Lindsay wakes up with a blocked ear.

“Ian! I’m deaf in one ear!”

“Eh?!”

“I said I’m deaf in one ear!!!”

“Eh?”

Lindsay falls for it every time.

10:53 A French man is talking on the news.

“Linz. What’s he saying?”

“I don’t know because you were talking over him.”

“It’s not that. You weren’t even listening.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I was talking.”

11:45 Lindsay announces she’ll be bird watching today for the RSPB.

“I’m gonna throw some crusts out then sit in the chair by the window. Might read or watch TV.”

“Aren’t you meant to be watching for birds?”

“Oh yeah.”

13:56 Lindsay throws the bread out. She’s barely turned round and fecking Frankie is eating the bread and barking at the birds.

14:32 Lindsay decides to send Bitmoji pics to her students next week for fab work. Except she’ll need to add some wrinkles, grey hairs and an exasperated expression so they know it’s her.

16:12 Joel’s not impressed. Lindsay finally gets round to ironing some of his best t-shirts which he put in the wash months ago. They no longer fit.

17:32 Lindsay decides now would be a good time to dye her hair. It’s dark outside, the bathroom light still doesn’t work and her glasses have steamed up.

17:42 Lindsay must have upset Joel. He won’t speak to her. Result.

18:22 Lindsay’s managed to miss some grey hairs. But at least her forehead is now a lovely shade of medium cool brown.

19:12 Lindsay’s proud she has managed to complete Red Meat January. Back to quorn tomorrow.