Day Twenty-One in Lockdown #3.0

07:03 Thanks to her children filling bottles, emptying bladders, changing batteries, eating snacks, laughing at friends, arguing with siblings, blowing noses and anything else which involves making a noise, Lindsay is not feeling refreshed.

07:57 Lindsay has so much work to sort out. But she’ll just watch one more video of dogs looking after babies. Just one. After this one. Oh, but look at that one.

08:29 Lindsay sets off to seek revenge on her sleep stealing offspring with copious amounts of banging and shouting. They beat her to do it by sitting up and logging onto lessons. They won’t let her have even the smallest moment of satisfaction.

09:51 Lindsay reads her Facebook memory. 11 years ago she found Joel cracking eggs on the kitchen floor. Never trust a quiet Joel.

09:53 Lindsay walks in on Joel during an English lesson.

He’s playing FIFA.

“Switch that off right now.”

“I’m not playing, just watching. And listening to my English teacher. And it’s an English team I’m watching so…”

Never trust a quiet Joel.

10:15 The class are recapping what they’ve read so far.

They are recalling the character’s favourite sandwiches.

“They’re a bit strange. I didn’t think you could have them. Can you eat them? Where do you get them?”

“Eat what?”

“Piranha sandwiches.”

“It’s not piranha. It’s banana.”


11:57 Lindsay demonstrates how the stomach works by mushing up bananas, crackers and orange juice in a clear bag. She’s made sick. She might not see some of her students after lunch.

13:17 Joel wants a haircut.

“I look homeless!”

“Don’t tempt me.”

14:31 Lindsay’s waiting to start the last lesson of the day.

“Hang on Miss. Alexa…..”

“Please teach my class.”

Radio silence. Alexa doesn’t listen to a word Lindsay says either.

16:32 Ian and Lindsay are sat next to each other trying to send photos via Airdrop. Apparently waving the devices around near each other shouting “you hoo! I’m here!” doesn’t work.

17:32 Ian returns from his in-laws.

“I need to go back tomorrow to explain the fire stick. Your dad wasn’t in the mood.”

“I’m like that. If I don’t fancy doing something, I won’t. You’re lucky I turned up on our wedding day.”

“Well, you say that.”

17:48 Ian and Lindsay are sorting tea.

“Joel’s out.”

“Yeah, but he’ll be coming back.”

“Only if we tell him to.”

19:02 Joel asks Lindsay to buy some mass gainer.

“What is that?”

“It makes you put on weight.”

“Just take some of your dad’s.”

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