10:03 Lindsay’s having withdrawal symptoms. She hasn’t made an online purchase since yesterday.

11:09 Lindsay’s fingers have stopped twitching.

“What have you ordered now?!”

“A new tablecloth. I thought we could eat together more as a family.”

“Did you learn nothing the last time we tried that?!”

13:19 Lindsay needs to make a delivery. She’s forgotten that the last time she sat in the driving seat, she’d just treated herself to a refreshing dip in cold, murky water. She now has a wet arse. It’s the incident that just keeps on giving.

13:57 Joel’s moaning to Ian that his mother won’t make him something to eat.

“Linz. You need to be careful. If you don’t feed your kids, we’ll have the Tory party on the doorstep trying to recruit you.”

14:54 Lindsay and Ian have resorted to playing a music quiz to pass the time. Ian is being Lionel Blair. He plays “Rockafeller Skank.”

“Oh! Fat Boy!”

“Alright! No need to have a dig.”

14:55 Next up is ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.

“They played that on our first date in Senny’s.”

“We should go.”

“We can’t. They knocked it down.”

“New York?!”

“No! The pub.”

15:23 Ian causes a kerfuffle. He returns from Tesco with flowers for Lindsay.

“What are they?”

“Flowers for you.”

“Why?”

“No reason.”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing.”

“What have you done?”

“Nothing.”

Sam weighs in.

“What are they?”

“Flowers.”

“Who bought you them?”

“Dad.”

“Why?”

Ian won’t bother again.

16:23 Lindsay informs the kids that their school is now doing online lessons. It’s like she’s travelled back in time as she watches all three have major toddler tantrums.

18:00 Lindsay wants to watch ‘Dancing on Ice’. Just so she can’t do schoolwork.

“Who’s on this year Linz?”

“Torvill and Dean.”

“Well, I think they’ve got an unfair advantage.”