Day Twelve in Lockdown #3.0

01:23 Lindsay discovers Sam’s future career. He clearly wants to be a real estate agent. Why else would he be playing fecking Monopoly online at such a stupid hour?

10:57 Lindsay practises an emergency stop. Nothing to do with being distracted by the cute puppy walking down the road.

11:16 Lindsay’s confused. After days of rain, she can’t seem to cross the river at her usual spot.

11:17 Frankie’s also confused as to why his owner had deviated from the well defined path into a paddy field.

11:25 Lindsay learns that Vicar of Dibley moments, such as falling deep into cold, dirty water, can in fact happen in real life.

11:25 Frankie is delirious. His owner has finally embraced cold, dirty water and he sprints to join her.

11:45 Lindsay phones Ian to tell him about her incident. He just laughs.

12:01 Lindsay tells Joel about her incident. He just laughs.

“Did you laugh?”

“Err no. I had my phone in my pocket and it was cold.”

“It’s ok. iPhone 8s are waterproof.”

“Aww well if I’d known that, I’d have stayed sat down a bit longer!”

12:57 Lindsay makes herself a left over doner meat wrap and tries to justify it by throwing on some lettuce and drowning it in extra light mayonnaise.

13:04 Joel has news.

“Mam. Miss gave 5/5 for my creative story.”

“I should bloody hope so. I put a lot of effort into that. What did I get for German?”

13:15 Lindsay tells Sam about her incident. He just laughs.

13:23 Lindsay asks Joel to get her a glass of milk. She’s decided she’s broken her ankle earlier.

13:56 Joel is obviously still milking the cow.

14:03 Lindsay tells Abigail about her incident earlier. She just laughs.

14:22 “Mam. Why have you put you pjs back on?”

“I haven’t. It’s loungewear.”

“Look like pjs to me.”

“Well it’s loungewear. I lounge all night in bed wearing them. So it’s loungewear!”

14:32 Lindsay goes to clean the bathroom. She’s puzzled as to how all the cleaning producers are empty given her cleaning regime.

15:23 Lindsay needs a favour because she’s broken her ankle, don’t you know.

“Samuel?!”

“No. You called me Samuel. So no.”

Well that didn’t go to plan.

17:21 Lindsay definitely decides she has a broken ankle. The NHS website says she hasn’t. Lindsay looks for another website who’ll agree with her.

17:34 Abigail decides she wants a cheese sandwich to celebrate her dance exam results.

“How do you want your sarnie?”

“I don’t want a sarnie. I want a sandwich.”

19:12 Lindsay’s twining to Ian about her broken ankle.

“You know what you need?”

“Vodka?”

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