07:53 “Ian. Phone my mam. Tell her to phone school and say I’m won’t be in today. I’ve got Can’t-be-arseditus.”

08:32 Lindsay’s offered to go shopping for her folks but her dad is adamant he’ll do it. Apparently Covid doesn’t surface before 9am and it’ll only attack if you buy 17 items or more.

08:43 Lindsay is singing.

“Got to have a D-O-G if you wanna be with me.”

“It’s J-O-B! Your kids don’t stand a chance.”

09:50 One of Lindsay’s students declines a lesson. Well, that can work both ways. Can it? Lindsay googles it.

10:23 One of Lindsay’s students arrives late.

“Where were you?”

“Oh, I was in a Zoom meeting with a professor in Bath.”

“Of course. Easy mistake to make.”

12:35 Lindsay’s helping middle child. Joel’s German teacher tells them to have fun. German and fun are two words not to be used in the same sentence.

13:05 Lindsay sees a map of the vaccine centres on the news. All those times she’s been called a Geordie. Apparently she is one now.

14:24 Joel starts some History work.

“Don’t cheat.”

“Ok. Will do.”

17:04 The two downstairs TVs are on. There are now two Matt Hancock’s in the house with an echo. Not sure what they’ve done to deserve that.

18:05 “Joel!! Stop jumping around like a bloody elephant.”

“It’s not me. Abigail’s doing ballet.”

Money well spent there then.

18:32 Abigail’s watching the news.

“Why does London need oxygen?”

“Err, Covid. Remember?”

“Oh. I thought they meant there was none in the air. Like the Lorax.”

Lindsay now pities Abigail’s teachers.