(Though nobody actually has it.”

10:05 Frankie decides Dancing on Ice wasn’t dangerous enough yesterday and tries husky racing for a change. Lindsay is a source of amusement for car drivers, slipping and sliding all over the place.

10:34 If dogs had to do a driving tests, Frankie would excel on the emergency stop. Lindsay’s fed up of clattering into his rear end as he absolutely has to sniff some other dog’s urine.

10:46 Christmas is the season which keeps on giving. Joel phones to say he’s off to spend the day 40 miles away. Only 40 but better than nothing.

12:58 Lindsay reckons she really needs to know more about the end of WW2 and settles down to watch a World at War marathon. Clean and ironed clothes are overrated anyway.

14:27 Frankie seems to have been inhabited by the ghost of Greyfriars Bobby because Lindsay can’t even go to the loo in peace. Or it may have something to do with all the salami sticks she’s scoffing before she becomes a vegany pescatarian thingy again.

14:28 Lindsay has to go and get a Peperami. Just typing the word has made her hungry.

14:46 Ian phones to check up on things.

“All 3 still alive Ian. Over and out.”

15:35 Lindsay falls down a frozen hole. As in watching Frozen instead of doing anything constructive.

17:01 Lindsay serves Abigail her tea with a delicious and nutritious hair included for the fifth day in a row. For the fifth day in a row, Abigail is not impressed.

17:58 Lindsay finds Abigail back in bed.

“What’s up grumpy arse?”

It’s taken Lindsay years to perfect her bedside manner.

18:46 Joel returns home.

“Don’t walk on the decking Joel.”

“Why?”

“It’s icy.”

Joel is mesmerised.

“Ooh shiny shiny.”

Joel walks on the decking and falls on his backside.