(Though nobody actually has it.)

00:59 Lindsay is awoken by giggling. It appears to be between two of her children. This can’t be. She has to investigate.

03:22 Lindsay thinks she’s become a newborn. She can only sleep for a couple of hours before she needs fed again.

09:11 Lindsay tries to be cultured by reading Wuthering Heights. But she gives up because she can’t get Kate Bush out of her head.

11:54 Lindsay‘s apparently been assigned as Ian’s work secretary and returns a missed call.

“I’m phoning for Ian. He has a missed call.”

“Oh it’s just about next Tuesday. It’s not urgent.”

“So you don’t need him to work today? Are you sure? He’s available. I’ll make sure if it!”

11:58 Lindsay relays the information to Ian while hunting round the kitchen.

“I can’t find my phone Ian!”

“You’re talking to me on it you stupid mare!”

12:02 Lindsay‘s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sit looking at the messy floor or wake the kids up by hoovering. She decides the floor isn’t that bad.

13:34 Lindsay tries to teach Joel the card game Patience. She walks out of the room before she loses her patience with him.

15:24 Lindsay sits and acknowledges every MP who thanks teachers for keeping schools safe. That’s all Lindsay did because she didn’t certainly didn’t manage teach the buggers anything.

17:02 The motherly instinct kicks in as Lindsay feeds her children.

“I’m warming up last night’s takeaway.”

17:12 Ian wants the youth football season to end.

“That’s not like you.”

“Yeah but we’re top of the league. Only way we’ll win it.”

17:59 Lindsay misreads a headline on Facebook. She thinks it says later school runs. She’s puzzled because she’s been doing those since 2007. Turns out it said later school returns.