(Though nobody actually has it.)

07:44 Lindsay awakes from a dream where she was speaking French. She knows it was a dream because the French person understood her.

09:25 Lindsay is complaining that her clothes no longer fit.

“I’m gonna have to stop tumble drying my clothes. Everything is shrinking.”

“Yeah, that’s it Linz. Nothing at all to do with the boxes of Ferraro Rocher you’ve been troughing for the last month.”

Ian has a point. It’s probably a good thing COVID has cancelled Christmas because foreign ambassadors wouldn’t be able to spoil their guests. Lindsay’s probably eaten Europe’s entire supply since Friday.

10:32 Lindsay is wrapping in presents. She spots an unused game of Abigail’s under the bed. She’s tempted to wrap it and see if she even notices.

11:24 Lindsay reads again about potential food shortages in the New Year but is relieved when it seemingly only applies to fruit and veg.

11:25 Lindsay goes into panic mode when she remembers crisps and vodka and made from potatoes.

14:57 Abigail announces she’s a big girl because she’s been on the train.

“Really? Where did you go?”

“Whitehaven.”

“But we live in Whitehaven. How could you be in Whitehaven and go to Whitehaven?”

Abigail appears confused. She looks like Joel.

16:07 Lindsay avoids one of her students by diverting to the DIY aisle in Wilkos and tries to look like she knows what she’s doing. Like she does everyday in the classroom.

17:23 Ian phones from the supermarket and Lindsay is puzzled.

“Do you have a sore throat?”

“No.”

“You sound funny. Has something happened?”

“No. Maybe I’m wearing something that affects my speech.”

“Are you?”

Ian wonders if there are masks he could buy to hide his wife’s stupidity.

Read what happened yesterday on Day Three