(Though nobody actually has it.)

08:35 Lindsay gets a message from Candy Crush. “Someone’s taken your spot on the leaderboard. Are you going to let them?” No she is not! Forget Christmas. She now has other priorities.

09:32 Candy Crush now tells Lindsay she’s unlocked Tier 5. She quickly logs off. She doesn’t want to get the blame for another tier starting!!

10:37 Lindsay has to eat humble pie which is really annoying. She’s more of a crisp person.

11:27 Lindsay braves shops. She gets off the elevator and sees old people’s clothes. She looks around to find Oasis then remembers who she is and heads back towards the old people’s clothes.

11:56 Lindsay is annoyed by two people who appear behind her and won’t maintain 2 metres distance. She moves away from them. They’re mannequins.

14:32 Abigail is talking about potential food shortages. She spots lettuce in the fridge.

“Let’s make some money and put it on the black market.”

“Or wait and see if we run out of toilet toll and need it?”

15:02 Lindsay uses the iron for first time since September. She forgot this was for an experiment to melt wax crayons. Abigail now has a turquoise pattern on her Calvin Klein knickers.

16:17 Joel has yet to emerge from his bedroom. This is what Christmas is all about.

17:15 Sam Gordon Ramsay Stevenson has a critique for Lindsay.

“Are those meatballs from somewhere different? They don’t taste the same?”

“Same place. Maybe a bit less burnt than normal?”

18:40 Crisp Crush Saga!! Lindsay thinks she might be on to something.

Day Two was just as bad,