(Though nobody actually has it.)

07:03 Lindsay’s phone wakes her up. She’ll punish it by refusing to acknowledge its existence all day. But that may involve talking to humans so she hesitates and backtracks. A bit like a Tory government during a pandemic.

08:32 Frankie re-enacts Hansel and Gretel throughout the house. With muddy paw prints. He’ll be losing his balls for Christmas instead of getting new ones as presents.

09:54 Matt Hancock announces that the best gift we can give each other this Christmas is to stay at home and not transmit the disease.

“Kids! I know what I’m getting you for Christmas!”

10:43 One of Lindsay’s students messages her on Teams to ask when schools are back. Gavin will probably change his mind at least six times before the end of the year so she tells them it will be a surprise. Probably the night before like most governmental guidance for schools this term.

11:04 Lindsay gets her priorities right for the day and fills the ice cube tray for her Baileys this evening.

12:17 Joel asks to be fed.

“Can I have steak?”

“I’ll get you it for Christmas!”

14:23 Lindsay thinks she should maybe hide the kids’ presents in their wardrobes. Because the buggers never open them to hang their clothes up so they’ll be safe in there.

15:28 Lindsay looks around at her filthy house and doesn’t know where to start. So she doesn’t. She sits on the sofa and scoffs a Ferrerro Rocher. A box of them.

16:02 Lindsay suddenly has an urge to clean like she’s nesting. It’s like she’s planning on giving birth to baby Jesus herself. So she’d better put her feet up if that’s the case.

17:07 Ian’s telling Abigail about some of the food he’s being given.

“Why would someone give you cigarettes?”

“Figs! Not fags!”

“What are figs?”

“No idea.”

18:23 Lindsay thinks she could be Father Christmas. Only visiting people once a year would suit her.

Yesterday wasn’t much better: Day One in the Christmas Corona House