03:01 Lindsay wakes up. Crack-a-bloody-lackin.

04:12 Lindsay decides to read some of her old blogs to bore herself back to sleep. She ends up getting wound up by how stupid some of her kids (Joel) are.

04:32 Lindsay contemplates going downstairs to watch TV but then remembers the sofas are brand new and can’t be laid on for at least a year. Or until she gets a hangover. So probably tomorrow.

04:37 Lindsay resorts to playing Candy Crush without her glasses. She does quite well. She should maybe start driving without them too.

06:37 Frankie starts pawing Lindsay. But she lets him because he’s not Ian.

07:15 Lindsay thinks about waking the kids as a joke. But then that would mean her kids would be awake and that would be stupid.

10:42 Abigail’s awake but the boys appear to still be sleeping. Or doing whatever teenage boys do in their beds.

11:56 Lindsay decides it’s time to start believing in Father Christmas because it’s the only way her kids are gonna get any presents at this rate.

11:43 Frankie has a sinking feeling it’s another one of those lockdown things and the hoomans are going to be home all the time. How’s a dog supposed to trump in peace?

13:12 Ian and Lindsay prepare to spend time together. They have their first domestic before they’ve even left the house.

16;22 Boris cancels Christmas. And immediately becomes the scapegoat for Linday’s rubbish Christmas preparations.

17:23 Lindsay drops off some parcels at her parents. It appears their street alone is responsible for climate change. It’s like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation with all the lights. Or a landing strip for UFOs.

17:42 “Abigail, what do you want for tea?”

“I’m not hungry.”

17:45 “Mam! I’m actually starving!”

It’s gonna be a long Christmas.