(Though nobody actually has it.)

09:46 Lindsay thinks that trees are in kahoots and deliberately grow towards each other to annoy and trap humans. It’s like Day of the Triffids Part 2.

10:32 Lindsay thought the days of going to the toilet being a team sport were over with. Frankie follows her and watches her wee. Then Ian has a quick shifty.

12:01 Joel can’t find any shorts.

“Please proceed to either the washing basket at the top of the stairs or the mountain of clothes at the bottom of my bed. Thank you.”

12:02 Lindsay is annoyed that her phone changed ‘washing basket’ to a ‘wagging backer’. She needs to type using individual keys. Swooping must end. Swiping!! She means sweeping!! Oh FFS!!

13:23 Chocolate Back Ian becomes a Chuckle Brother, appearing to do a lot but achieving little.

13:29 University graduate Lindsay decides to make cheese on toast with a cup of tea then sit outside in the blazing sun. If she’d done a MA in Common Sense, she’d have been kicked off the course.

14:22 Lindsay has been nagging Ian for a parasol for weeks. Ian returns home with one and Lindsay is happy for once.

14:23 “I’m cold. I can’t get a tan. Move it.”

14:32 Lindsay persuades Sam to help with painting. Five minutes later she regrets her decision as she is having to engage in conversation with him for the first time in weeks and neither of them have any craic.

15:02 Joel makes an appearance and watches as Sam paints the fence.

“What ya doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“I was just intrigued.”

Lindsay is intrigued as to what goes on in his crazy little head.

15:32 Lindsay’s singing along to ‘Back For Good’ from last night’s Take That concert and Sam is confused.

“Why would they never be a cupboard again?”

It turns out Lindsay has been singing it wrong for 25 years and it’s ‘uncovered’. Although that doesn’t make much sense either to Lindsay.

17:09 The Stevensons, after ten weeks, finally find themselves spending time together. To be fair, the beer Ian, Lindsay and Sam are consuming may be helping this rare event to take place.

18:21 Abigail asks if she is in the blog.

“No. You haven’t done anything.”

“How about me asking to be in?”

She’s made for reality TV.

18:55 Frankie spies a dog walking past. He jumps on the sofa then looks in the wrong direction. Maybe he was just intrigued too.

“Can you put me asking in?”

“Will it shut you up?”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 73