Day Seventy-One in the Corona House

(Though nobody actually has it.)

10:11 Lindsay is confused. On the walk, she spots two Springers sitting patiently by their owners’ side, looking up at them adoringly. Meanwhile, her Springer is having an argument with a stick.

10:17 Lindsay is desperate for the toilet and contemplates a wild wee. She realises she’s wearing dark jeans so will probably get away without having to brave one.

10:32 Frankie jumps up at a woman holding a dog, leaving dirty paw prints all over her trousers. If Lindsay had a dog house, Frankie would be in it.

11:12 Ian returns with a box of Corona beer.

“Abigail! Your dad’s fetched corona into the house.”

“You’re not funny Mam.”

11:01 Ian spots which mug Lindsay is using for her cuppa.

“You’re using my mug.”

“How do you know?”

“It says ‘Mr Right’.”

“Who the bloody hell bought you that?!!”

12:19 Ian arrives back home again but has to pop back out straight away.

“Do you need me for anything first?”

“Just your monthly wage.”

13:43 Lindsay is trying to train Frankie not to bark at everyone who walks past the fence because it’s embarrassing and brings down the tone of the neighbourhood. She spots that Joel’s bedroom window is open.

“Joel Stevenson. Get your lazy arse out of bed!!”

14:31 Ian’s chopping down a post with an axe.

“Do you fancy a go Linz? Take you aggression out on something?”

That boy is living dangerously.

15:43 Lindsay discovers a new anthem for Ian. Forget Stone Roses or Oasis. “Why Can’t I Wake Up With You?” by Take That describes his daily conundrum perfectly. Lindsay just needs to get Gary Barlow to write a new verse listing the multitude of reasons why she prefers the sofa.

18:44 Ian suggests they go out to a nice vegetarian restaurant. Lindsay thinks that it is a good idea.

“Hang on? They’re all shut.”

“Oh yeah. What a shame.”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 70

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