(Though nobody actually has it.)
09:56 Frankie does a Sheldon and reclaims his spot on the sofa.
10:28 Lindsay passes a friend who waves vigorously. He’s not pleased to see her. He just wants a mention in tonight’s blog.
10:32 Lindsay is throwing stones into the river for Frankie and he’s joined by a black lab.
“I’d stop throwing stones if I were you?”
Lindsay wonders if she used to go to school with this man and he’d seen her feeble effort at getting the ball back to fourth post in a game of rounders in 1988.
“You’ll never be rid of her.”
“What if I throw one at her head?”
10:34 Lindsay’s gonna book a holiday to a desert next year to see if Frankie could locate a water source. He’s the J.R. Ewing of H2O.
10:47 Lindsay learns today that slugs are a vibrant red inside as Frankie obviously mistakes one for one of her burnt sausages.
11:02 Ian is watching Lindsay cooing over Frankie.
“You’re not the woman I married.”
“You’re a miserable, vegetarian, dog lover now.”
The cogs start to turn as Lindsay tries to work out who she used to be.
11:03 Lindsay can’t be bothered standing up to give Ian a slap.
14:32 Lindsay’s stuck between a rock and a hard place again. Housework or baking with Abigail. Baking with Abigail will invariably produce more mess to tidy and something inedible.
14:54 Ian video calls Lindsay from B&Q to show her the selection of plants. It’s the future. She’ll never have to leave the house again and mix with the minions.
15:19 Lindsay ponders whether Sam’s wardrobe leads to Narnia because for someone who’s barely left his room in ten weeks, the amount of washing he’s producing, it’s like he’s going on a foreign holiday every two days.
15:59 Lindsay seems to have acquired some new followers who specialise in canine training.
16:03 Ian’s off to the tip and Lindsay looks round the kitchen. She chose baking over housework.
“Take Abigail with you.”
“ I think you’re only allowed one person in the car.”
“No. Not for a trip out. To dispose of her.”
16:54 Lindsay’s not convinced about Ian’s chocolate back. If anyone else suggests a dog walk, he immediately stops being Philip Schofield and does back flips to the car.
17:13 Joel is asking why no one wakes him up anymore. Lindsay is biting her lip so hard it’s now bleeding.
17:34 Lindsay is messaging a company and is having to answer a maths question to prove she’s not a robot. She gets it wrong. Now show her pictures of pedestrian crossings or bridges and she’s clearly a human.
18:12 Abigail and Joel at loggerheads over his incessant shouting. Sam is Lindsay’s favourite today. She’ll tell him next time she bumps into him.
18:31 Lindsay suddenly remembers Ian’s now off work for a week and there’s no vodka in the house. She might just do a Dominic Cummings.
Read what happened yesterday on Day 67