Day Sixty-Eight in the Corona House

(Though nobody actually has it.)

09:56 Frankie does a Sheldon and reclaims his spot on the sofa.

10:28 Lindsay passes a friend who waves vigorously. He’s not pleased to see her. He just wants a mention in tonight’s blog.

10:32 Lindsay is throwing stones into the river for Frankie and he’s joined by a black lab.

“I’d stop throwing stones if I were you?”

“Why?”

Lindsay wonders if she used to go to school with this man and he’d seen her feeble effort at getting the ball back to fourth post in a game of rounders in 1988.

“You’ll never be rid of her.”

“What if I throw one at her head?”

10:34 Lindsay’s gonna book a holiday to a desert next year to see if Frankie could locate a water source. He’s the J.R. Ewing of H2O.

10:47 Lindsay learns today that slugs are a vibrant red inside as Frankie obviously mistakes one for one of her burnt sausages.

11:02 Ian is watching Lindsay cooing over Frankie.

“You’re not the woman I married.”

“Why?”

“You’re a miserable, vegetarian, dog lover now.”

The cogs start to turn as Lindsay tries to work out who she used to be.

11:03 Lindsay can’t be bothered standing up to give Ian a slap.

14:32 Lindsay’s stuck between a rock and a hard place again. Housework or baking with Abigail. Baking with Abigail will invariably produce more mess to tidy and something inedible.

14:54 Ian video calls Lindsay from B&Q to show her the selection of plants. It’s the future. She’ll never have to leave the house again and mix with the minions.

15:19 Lindsay ponders whether Sam’s wardrobe leads to Narnia because for someone who’s barely left his room in ten weeks, the amount of washing he’s producing, it’s like he’s going on a foreign holiday every two days.

15:59 Lindsay seems to have acquired some new followers who specialise in canine training.

16:03 Ian’s off to the tip and Lindsay looks round the kitchen. She chose baking over housework.

“Take Abigail with you.”

“ I think you’re only allowed one person in the car.”

“No. Not for a trip out. To dispose of her.”

16:54 Lindsay’s not convinced about Ian’s chocolate back. If anyone else suggests a dog walk, he immediately stops being Philip Schofield and does back flips to the car.

17:13 Joel is asking why no one wakes him up anymore. Lindsay is biting her lip so hard it’s now bleeding.

17:34 Lindsay is messaging a company and is having to answer a maths question to prove she’s not a robot. She gets it wrong. Now show her pictures of pedestrian crossings or bridges and she’s clearly a human.

18:12 Abigail and Joel at loggerheads over his incessant shouting. Sam is Lindsay’s favourite today. She’ll tell him next time she bumps into him.

18:31 Lindsay suddenly remembers Ian’s now off work for a week and there’s no vodka in the house. She might just do a Dominic Cummings.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 67

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