(Though nobody actually has it.)

03:01 Lindsay snores herself awake. She escapes downstairs before Ian notices and can use it as fresh ammunition against her.

05:16 Lindsay shouts at Frankie to stop growling. He looks bemused. Turns out it’s Lindsay’s stomach rumbling.

08:12 Lindsay considers sleeping all day but that would not make for a riveting read.

08:35 Lindsay persuades chocolate back and chocolate leg Ian to take Frankie out for a change. She doesn’t mind walking the dog. She just wants shot of Ian.

09:16 Lindsay announces she hasn’t bothered getting ready today as she doesn’t intend to leave the house. The kids don’t notice any difference.

11:57 Ian announces he’s sorted his own lunch out.

“I’ve put those peppered steaks in.”

“Are you sure? I can’t hear them.”

“What? Mooing?”

12:16 The house osmosis must be playing up because dirty plates have made their way to near the dishwasher, but not inside.

12:34 Frankie launches a violent campaign of noxious farts. He just wants the humans to leave so he can have his house back.

13:42 The fence paint is finally delivered. It starts to rain.

14:23 Two Next parcels are successfully delivered without Ian knowing. Lindsay will hide them in the ironing basket because no one will ever find them there. Including Lindsay.

15:30 Three more unauthorised absences for homeschooling today. To be fair, their teacher is ecstatic when her pupils don’t turn up.

16:00 Ballet class starts in the living room and Frankie hot tails it upstairs for a change. He’s obviously not in the mood for arabesques and pas-de-chat today.

16:34 Lindsay’s trying to think of the new skill she’s been encouraged to acquire during lockdown by the government. Tolerating your husband enough not to kill him? Will that suffice?

16:56 Frankie goes for a wander in the garden and paddles back in with wet paws. Lindsay skates round the kitchen on a towel to dry the floor. That’s her daily exercise done for the day.

17:57 Lindsay discovers a toilet roll family have settled into the downstairs toilet with no apparent efforts to evict them into the recycling bag two steps away.

18:02 Abigail asks for salad for tea.

“No, that’s not happening.”

“We’ve got all the ingredients in!”

“I know. I just can’t be arsed. Supernoodles?”

18:34 It suddenly falls silent in Joel’s room. It can only mean one thing. Joel is on the move.

“Fancy another walk Frankie?”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 42