(Though nobody actually has it.)
03:01 Lindsay snores herself awake. She escapes downstairs before Ian notices and can use it as fresh ammunition against her.
05:16 Lindsay shouts at Frankie to stop growling. He looks bemused. Turns out it’s Lindsay’s stomach rumbling.
08:12 Lindsay considers sleeping all day but that would not make for a riveting read.
08:35 Lindsay persuades chocolate back and chocolate leg Ian to take Frankie out for a change. She doesn’t mind walking the dog. She just wants shot of Ian.
09:16 Lindsay announces she hasn’t bothered getting ready today as she doesn’t intend to leave the house. The kids don’t notice any difference.
11:57 Ian announces he’s sorted his own lunch out.
“I’ve put those peppered steaks in.”
“Are you sure? I can’t hear them.”
12:16 The house osmosis must be playing up because dirty plates have made their way to near the dishwasher, but not inside.
12:34 Frankie launches a violent campaign of noxious farts. He just wants the humans to leave so he can have his house back.
13:42 The fence paint is finally delivered. It starts to rain.
14:23 Two Next parcels are successfully delivered without Ian knowing. Lindsay will hide them in the ironing basket because no one will ever find them there. Including Lindsay.
15:30 Three more unauthorised absences for homeschooling today. To be fair, their teacher is ecstatic when her pupils don’t turn up.
16:00 Ballet class starts in the living room and Frankie hot tails it upstairs for a change. He’s obviously not in the mood for arabesques and pas-de-chat today.
16:34 Lindsay’s trying to think of the new skill she’s been encouraged to acquire during lockdown by the government. Tolerating your husband enough not to kill him? Will that suffice?
16:56 Frankie goes for a wander in the garden and paddles back in with wet paws. Lindsay skates round the kitchen on a towel to dry the floor. That’s her daily exercise done for the day.
17:57 Lindsay discovers a toilet roll family have settled into the downstairs toilet with no apparent efforts to evict them into the recycling bag two steps away.
18:02 Abigail asks for salad for tea.
“No, that’s not happening.”
“We’ve got all the ingredients in!”
“I know. I just can’t be arsed. Supernoodles?”
18:34 It suddenly falls silent in Joel’s room. It can only mean one thing. Joel is on the move.
“Fancy another walk Frankie?”
Read what happened yesterday on Day 42