(Though nobody actually has it.)

05:44 Lindsay wakes up with a sore back. Ian’s had a wonky back for 20 odd years (and doesn’t Lindsay know it) but Lindsay decides now is the time to buy one of those special orthopaedic mattresses.

08:54 Frankie is talking to Lindsay like Charley the cat from the public service safety ads of the Seventies. She’s not sure what he’s saying but it’s probably something along the lines of “Get up you lazy cow!” or “Quick! Open the door I need a wizz.”

10:26 Lindsay forgets the equation she learnt at school. Rain + rocks = falling flat on one’s arse.

11:48 Lindsay panics when she’s receives an email.

“Ian! I’ve been sacked. I’ve just got my P60!”

“That’s a P45 you stupid woman!”

“Oh well. I’ll keep trying.”

12:22 Lindsay then gets an email from one of Joel’s teachers.

“Joel. The German department says to spend the rest of the week just finishing work that you’ve started.”

“What if you haven’t even started any?”

12:43 Lindsay feels like she’s abroad. In that she’s been bitten all over her legs and is off to pour herself a beer.

14:55 Lindsay puts on a stupid hat as she prepares to go shopping in Tesco. That way she’ll blend in.

15:03 Lindsay takes off the stupid hat as she finds herself in the paying queue when she hasn’t even been down the alcohol aisle yet.

15:12 Lindsay is bemused by all the people unable to social distance or those wearing gloves when it’s not even recommended. You would think they weren’t watching the daily briefings where the government are giving out clear, simple, easy to understand messages.

15:43 Lindsay gets a message from her boss telling her to do bugger all next week.

“Was that only meant to start from next week?” Lindsay thinks to herself.

16:54 Lindsay learns that Sam has made his grandad a socially distanced cup of tea. Obviously giving birth to him doesn’t warrant such a thing.

17:43 Lindsay looks in the fridge in readiness to prepare tonight’s tea and is uninspired as she views the contents. She declares a state of emergency. Also known as takeaway night.

18:57 Lindsay reminds Ian she’s doing an online quiz with friends later.

“Is it fancy dress?”

“No! Why?”

“You look like Andy Pandy.”

Lindsay changes her mind about takeaway night.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 64