(Though nobody actually has it.)

06:17 Lindsay is woken up by her favourite bird from day whatever. It’s not her favourite anymore. In fact they’re not even friends anymore. She’ll break the news later. With a stone.

07:01 Lindsay bribes Frankie to let her have the sofa with a meaty treat. Except the little shit grabs it then immediately darts back on to the sofa and wolfs it down there. Five treats later, Lindsay finally wins and occupies the settee.

10:01 Lindsay guilt trips Abigail into coming on the walk. She’s sick of talking to herself. Instead Abigail talks at her about annoying classmates, teachers’ dress sense, Quorn, deaf mothers, wet feet and killer wasps. Lindsay won’t make the same mistake tomorrow. Or any day after that.

10:26 Lindsay loses Frankie in the woods for five minutes. She’s gonna fetch Joel tomorrow.

11:32 Lindsay is discussing Sam’s GCSE grades with his godmother.

“He did alright but I still think he would have done better at a different school. Can’t complain about 8 passes though. 4 5s, 3 6s and 2 7s.”

“That’s 9 passes Linz.”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t help him with Maths.”

I2:02 Ian is walking round like Mr Invincible because he’s fixed an X-Box controller (so Joel can carry on avoiding schoolwork) and the boiling water tap (so Ian can carry on making copious amounts of tea for Lindsay). Well played Ian.

13:02 Lindsay’s trying to work in her makeshift study in the understairs cupboard. Plaster is falling on Lindsay’s head as people go up and down. Ian seems to be going up and down the stairs an awful lot.

13:34 Ian loses at teabag Jenga. The forfeit is to leave it for Lindsay to tidy up.

13:42 Lindsay is twining about having to print out work packs for her students. Abigail has a solution.

“Just print stuff off Twinkl like all teachers do.”

15:32 Lindsay is messaging a friend who’s concerned about her eldest because their younger sister is helping them with schoolwork. Lindsay is about to say how second borns are often cleverer. She then thinks of Joel and stops herself.

16:13 Lindsay stops her hair from sweating and protects her armpits against wind. She must wear her glasses when grabbing the aerosols.

16:27 Ian and Lindsay venture out together.

16:35 Ian and Lindsay are still speaking.

16:47 In B&Q, Ian tries to go a different way to the checkout.

“It’s the same way as last week Ian.”

“Things change Linz. I was staying safe last week. I’m staying alert this week.”

17:09 Lindsay is annoying Joel by singing ‘Oops…I Did It Again’.

“Why are you singing that?”

“Your tea’s burnt.”

17:58 Alex Jones from The One Show announces that they’re going big and says Jo Brand is on this evening’s episode. Lindsay’s not sure that she’ll like that introduction.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 62