(Though nobody actually has it.)

06:21 Ian gets up for work. He knows he can’t use noise to wake Lindsay so he bounces up and down on the bed, putting his socks on. Lindsay’s read somewhere Cumbria is closed. With any luck, he won’t be let back in tonight.

10:02 Lindsay thinks she might finally have eaten her own body weight in crisps since lockdown. She’ll just have to move on to cheese.

11:04 Frankie is looking confused at Lindsay as she sits with cotton wool in her ears. It looks just like the stuffing in his decimated cuddly toys. Lindsay fears if she sits still long enough, Frankie will rip her apart and start disemboweling her.

12:36 The windows cleaners come back to work. Lindsay points out loads of places they’ve missed.

“That’s dirt on the inside.”

13:59 Abigail comes downstairs covered in a blanket, looking like a miserable Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Force is definitely not with her today.

15:35 Lindsay panics when she’s sees a flashing school patrol sign. She’s worried Boris has changed his mind yet again and has sent the kids back to school today as well, without even telling the teachers.

15:58 Lindsay struggles to put up Abigail’s ballet barre. It’s a bit like an ironing board. She’s forgotten how to put that up too.

17:03 Ian comes in with a hammer.

“What’s that for?”

“I’m gonna use some of those chips you cooked last night to put up some shelves.”

18:08 Lindsay informs the boys about the doorstop photo happening on Friday.

“Why are we getting one of them?”

“To remind us of the time we spent together as a family.”

“But we haven’t.”

“We will. By standing next to each other for a doorstep photo.”

“Can we play Monopoly too?”

“God no.”

18:55 Lindsay asks Ian to clean her ears as she failed miserably. He squirts water inside using a balloon. Lindsay is confused.

“Why is the water going in my right ear but coming down my left arm?”

“Because it’s just going straight through your head.”

“Oh yeah.”

Ian pities all the poor children in her class.

18:57 Lindsay doesn’t feel any difference.

“It’s not working.”

“How am I meant to do it then?”

“Fast and hard Ian. Fast and hard.”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 56